The crypto market woke up on the wrong side of the blockchain today. Bitcoin dipped below $97,000 like it was trying to find its car keys in the dark. It’s now hovering around $97,375, down over 4% in the last 24 hours. Ouch. 😬 Traders lost over $1 billion in liquidations overnight, mostly long positions getting wiped out faster than a bad Tinder date. 💔
Of course, the experts are watching with bated breath. Will this price plummet continue, or will it stage a miraculous recovery? Spoiler alert: no one really knows. But who cares when drama like this is unfolding?
In a press release, Bitfarms, that paragon of Bitcoin mining, has revealed plans to convert one of its facilities to support High-Performance Computing (HPC)/Artificial Intelligence (AI) workloads. A decision as thrilling as a waltz with a cactus. 🌵
Grayscale Investments, the crypto equivalent of a weathered tractor, has taken a wobbly step toward going public by filing for its first-ever IPO on the NYSE. A noble goal, sure, but the numbers are as shaky as a leaf in a hurricane. 🌬️
According to the grand daily prophecy-or, more accurately, ARK’s trading disclosure-the fund managers managing to keep a straight face went on what could only be described as a shopping spree across three exchange-traded funds (ETFs). Here’s what they scooped up on November 14, as if trying to turn regret into profit:
While Bitcoin teeters on the precipice of a bear market abyss, the altcoins approach their own moment of truth. A horizontal support level and an ascending trendline stand as the last bastions against a spectacular collapse. Will they hold, or shall we witness a farce of financial proportions? 🤡💸
Ah, the Financial Accounting Standards Board (FASB), that bastion of numerical nuance, is once again poised to dip its quill into the inkwell of crypto conundrums. With a flourish, they consider adding “accounting for crypto asset transfers” to their technical agenda-a phrase as thrilling as a tax form, yet somehow, in this absurd age, utterly riveting. This, my dear reader, is the stuff of which modern drama is made, a drama as taut as a tightrope walker’s nerve.
US spot Bitcoin (BTC) exchange-traded funds (ETFs) bled $866 million on Thursday, a day that etched its name in the annals of crypto history as the second-worst, narrowly missing the $1.14 billion hemorrhage of Feb. 25, 2025. 🩸
Behold, Ethereum trades at a paltry $3,211, a 10% plunge in mere hours. Over the week, it has fallen 4%, and in the past month, a staggering 21%. Its August high of $4,946? A distant memory, a mirage in the desert of despair, now 35% out of reach. Trading volume, however, surges-up 32.7% to $49.6 billion-as if the rats are fleeing the sinking ship with renewed vigor. 🐀⚓
Bitcoin’s back where it was in June of ’25, which, let’s be honest, in crypto years is practically the Stone Age. November’s been a hard month, a real gut punch from its peak in October down to the mid-$90,000 range. It’s a humbling experience for those who thought it would just…keep going up. 🤷♂️
