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The team, sweating profusely into their hoodies, claims they’re “actively tracing the attacker” while secretly Googling “how to un-invent blockchain.” They’re also “reviewing ways to reimburse users,” which in crypto-land translates to “we’ll print more tokens and hope you don’t notice.”

So, the retail crowd is calling it: Bitcoin’s hitting $90K faster than I can say “bossy pants.” But here’s the thing-markets are like my ex-boyfriends: unpredictable and often disappointing.

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On-chain analysts noted that the dormant wallet acquired its 10,000 ETH during Ethereum’s ICO at $0.311 per token.

According to Robinhood’s latest quarterly report-also known as “How to Lose Money in Three Easy Steps”-the platform has seen a staggering drop in cryptocurrency volumes. You know, the kind of drop that makes you reconsider your life choices while staring at your phone screen in disbelief.

This move matters because an improving market structure could soothe investor nerves, restore a shred of faith in the arcane art of investing, and lend a broader crypto chorus some much-needed confidence. If the trend holds, the market resembles a dragon trying on a new suit-impressive, slightly alarming, and inevitably asking for more gold. Next, traders wonder if Bitcoin can keep the pace and stroll up toward the $85K-$88K target zone penciled for May-perhaps a place where the scribes of charts spill coffee and pretend they saw this coming all along.

According to the complaint, filed in the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of New York, Joshua Lee and Pierre Montmeas are the deputies leading the charge. They claim Ben and his posse-B24, Inc. and the Believe Foundation-rode roughshod over investors with token launches and migrations that filled their saddlebags while leaving others in the red.

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