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In the hallowed halls of the Rajya Sabha, where the air is thick with the scent of ambition and the echo of empty promises, AAP’s Raghav Chadha has unveiled his latest brainchild: “The Asset Tokenisation (Regulation) Bill, 2026.” A Private Member’s Bill, no less, it arrives with all the fanfare of a monsoon wedding and about as much chance of success.

Artemis, that cold, unblinking eye of data, tells us that Ethereum and Solana are the last bastions of hope, their ecosystems buzzing with activity while the rest of the crypto world slumbers in apathy. In the Ethereum realm, the Ethereum Virtual Machine (EVM) roars with 31,620 weekly commits, a testament to the relentless spirit of its developers. And Solana, the young upstart, follows closely with its Virtual Machine (SVM) Layer 1 and Layer 2, boasting 7,056 weekly commits. Yet, even these heroes are not immune to the plague of decline that has gripped the crypto ecosystem.

But hey, the XRP token itself? It’s been doing the cha-cha, shimmying up to $1.45 before getting stopped like a bad pickup line at a wedding. Will it break through or break down? Stay tuned, folks-it’s more dramatic than a Mel Brooks plot twist!

In a recent e‑motive on the plataforma socially acclaimed as X, Glassnode has opened a window onto the “Cost Basis Distribution” (CBD) of the short‑term holders (STHs). But what, exactly, is this CBD? Think of it as a Post‑it map showing every price level at which the Bitcoiners bought their coins in history-except it’s not a Post‑it; it’s a statistical, data‑heavy chuckle factory.

According to the report, public companies engaged in treasury strategies purchased or disclosed nearly 7,800 BTC worth approximately $522 million at the end of February 2026. A feast for the greedy, though one suspects the feast was merely a ruse to lure them into the trap of ownership.

On March 8, the stars aligned, and HYPE’s price leaped like a cat startled by a vacuum cleaner, from $30 to $38.53. But lo, by March 13, the same indicator turned fickle, flashing a sell signal like a traffic light in a ghost town. Martinez, ever the Cassandra, predicts a retracement to $34. A 6.5% decline? A mere hiccup, you say? Yet, in the land of crypto, hiccups can become hurricanes.

It is a well-known fact that hackers are as inevitable as the arrival of the Heart of Gold at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe. No matter the size of the global geopolitical crisis, they’ll always find time to wreak havoc on the crypto market. This time, Bonk.fun got the short straw. On March 12, Tom (@SolportTom), one of its operators, took to the social network X (formerly known as Twitter, but let’s not get into that) to warn users:

Our illustrious government of Paraguay has decided to turn up the scrutiny dial on the vibrant cryptocurrency market, much like a dramatic director raising the curtain on a new act.