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On April 19th, Strategy announced it had purchased an additional 34,164 Bitcoin for around $74,395 each. This brings their total Bitcoin holdings to 815,061, valued at approximately $61.56 billion with an average purchase price of $75,527 per Bitcoin. This purchase makes Strategy’s Bitcoin treasury larger than BlackRock’s, and was financed mainly by selling STRC preferred stock, which generated $2.18 billion in net proceeds within a week.

According to whispers from The Information (and a handful of vaguely informed experts), one of the chips might be a memory‑processing unit perfectly fitted to sit beside Google’s illustrious TPUs. The other? A brand‑new TPU, tailored so finely that even the most demanding AI workload will think it’s in good hands.

BitMine Immersion Technologies (BMNR), the grand poobah of Ethereum treasure hunts, has cranked up its buying spree. Chairman Tom Lee, with a twinkle in his eye, declares the crypto “mini-winter” is on its last legs. Huzzah!

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One must wonder, is this a tale of Vercel’s internal security, or a grand satire on the absurdity of our interconnected world? When developer tooling, AI integrations, and deployment infrastructure converge in a single OAuth trust chain, what folly doth ensue! A vector so comical, it escapes the scrutiny of smart contract audits and protocol-level reviews, which were never designed for such buffoonery.

STRK, STRC, STRF, and STRD. Their at-the-market offerings stand at a whopping $21 billion, $4.2 billion, $2.1 billion, and another $4.2 billion. It’s like a buffet of investment opportunities! All of this sits comfortably alongside Strategy’s “42/42” capital plan, which aims to rake in $84 billion through equity offerings and convertible notes for bitcoin purchases by 2027. No pressure, right?

At the bustling corners of the ether, new hands begin to touch the coin, and the number of accounts that once sat idle is suddenly like a crowd in a marketplace. The exchange outflows climb like a flock of pigeons leaving the city – supposedly, a sign that the holders are moving their loot out of the megabanks. And even their reserves, measured in this strange “US dollar” currency, are swelling, a breath of fresh capital filling the air.

In a statement that surely sent shivers of excitement through the crypto community on Monday, Coinbase announced that this fab new offering allows our friends across the pond to access loans via Morpho on their Layer 2 network Base. Naturally, all loans are secured by overcollateralized crypto holdings-because what could possibly go wrong with that arrangement?

In a tweet, which has since fluttered through the digital ether like a startled dove, the founder of SkyBridge Capital has proclaimed Bitcoin not merely a rival to gold, but its superior. How quaint!

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