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Bitcoin’s price surged above $76,000, and several other cryptocurrencies – including Stellar, Toncoin, and others – saw the biggest gains that day.

According to the oracle known as crypto.news, Bitcoin’s price saw a delightful rise of 2% to an intraday high of $76,483 before settling around $76,150, as we pen this tale.

Key Farce-aways:

This latest haul brings their total stash to a staggering 815,061 BTC, acquired for a mere $61.56 billion. Yes, you read that right. Their average price per Bitcoin? A breezy $75,527. At this rate, Saylor’s probably got a Bitcoin-themed pool float and matching flip-flops.

The ongoing tussle over stablecoin yield has been the primary hurdle that has thwarted the CLARITY Act not once, but twice this year-first in January when Coinbase pulled its support the night before a scheduled markup, and again in March, when they balked at revised draft language they deemed far too stringent. Ah, the joys of legislative gymnastics!

According to the chroniclers of Punchbowl News, Tillis, the mediator of this grand farce, has whispered to Senate Banking Chair Tim Scott, “Skip April, for haste makes waste, and we must hear all voices, lest we sow chaos.” Tillis, with the gravitas of a man who has seen too many sunsets, declared, “It is imperative not to rush, to listen to all, and to provide a rational basis for our decisions.”

According to CryptoQuant’s Maartun, the rebound is giving early signs of structural improvement, but the move still feels more like a bear-market rally than a lasting trend. In an April 20 video, he noted that long-term holders are stacking up and strategic capital is slipping into the market, while the short-term sellers and the whales keep putting a cap on how high the curtain rises.

Of the nearly 5 million ETH now ensconced in Bitmine’s digital vaults, 3.33 million are staked, a ritualistic offering to the gods of blockchain, yielding a staggering $200 million in annualized revenue. Behold, the speculative gambler has donned the cloak of an operating business, though the stench of hubris lingers in the air like cheap cologne at a carnival.

Cette potion alchimique pourrait bientôt bouleverser la façon dont l’un des plus vastes marchés de la dette souveraine gère ses collatères, traversant frontières et fuseaux horaires comme un marchand de parfums délirant.

The price of Bitcoin continued to fall, dropping below the $75,500 level. It briefly dipped below $74,000, but then buyers stepped in. The lowest price reached was $73,637, and now Bitcoin is trying to regain some ground.