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Our noble Bitcoin (BTC), the grandest of all crypto assets, has dropped 3% to the near-mythical price of $92,250-before settling, somewhat grudgingly, at $92,739 at the time of this writing. Ethereum (ETH), in a fit of jealousy, fell 3.1%, trading at a mere $3,200. Other large-cap altcoins such as BNB, XRP, Solana, and Dogecoin have also joined the dismal dance of decline, with losses ranging from 3% to a tragic 8%. But lo! The true stars of the show-Ondo, Aster, and Sui-have suffered losses near 10% each. Oh, what a disastrous turn of events! 💔

ASTER took a dive straight into the crypto abyss, courtesy of a Bitcoin price swing that could make a drunk llama wobble. That dip sent shockwaves through the altcoin circus. 🎪

Meanwhile, the crypto market winks at chaos, trading marginally lower while Ethereum (ETH) and altcoins play dress-up in the green. Bitcoin (BTC), the grumpy old bear, clings to $95,000 like a toddler to a teddy, despite a “marginal” dip. ETH, ever the showoff, flexes a 1% gain at $3,316. One must wonder: Is this a bull market in disguise or just crypto’s version of a midlife crisis? 🐻📉

And what, you ask, could be the cause of this crypto calamity? Surely, it must be some grand scheme within the Pi Network itself, some intricate plot woven by its masterminds! But no, dear reader, the culprit lies far beyond the confines of this digital utopia. It is the age-old dance of power, the waltz of tariffs and trade wars, where the POTUS, in a fit of grandeur, decided to slap a 10% tariff on eight nations while attempting to buy Greenland from Denmark. 🇩🇰💸

According to some very serious people at the Financial Times, the EU has crafted the world’s most passive-aggressive breakup letter disguised as trade policy. Their $108 billion (€93 billion for fancy people) retaliation package includes tariffs, market restrictions, and probably some strongly-worded post-it notes after Trump tried to make Greenland his timeshare. Because nothing says “diplomacy” like threatening your allies over frozen dirt. ❄️

Summary

Brian Armstrong, chief executive officer of crypto exchange Coinbase (Nasdaq: COIN), shared on social media platform X on Jan. 17, that he disputed claims of White House hostility toward crypto negotiations, emphasizing cooperation with administration officials amid ongoing discussions over a crypto market structure bill and banking-related yield issues. 🤝

Last week, on that social media platform known as X (formerly Twitter, because why not change things up?), our hero Brad shared his thoughts on the U.S. Senate Banking Committee’s latest moves on a crypto market structure bill. He was practically tapping his watch, reminding everyone that clarity in the digital asset world is just around the corner. Or at least, it better be!

In a post dated January 18, and shared with the eager masses on the platform known as X, Buterin asserted that the blockchain is becoming a veritable labyrinth, too dense for the independent verification our dear friends deserve. He laments that this excessive technical complexity poses a dire threat to the fundamental sovereignty of the blockchain, which, one must say, sounds rather dramatic, does it not? 😅

As if by some divine intervention-or perhaps mere chance-market structures began to whisper tales of impending expansion within the realm of altcoins. And lo, Ethereum, the beloved second son of the cryptocurrency family, emerged as the harbinger of sentiment amongst the altcoins, rallying the spirits of many an investor.