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I say, the chaps at NASDAQ:VERB-nay, TSC-have pulled off the sort of manoeuvre that would make the Empress of Blandings look positively conventional. One moment they’re droning along as a perfectly respectable purveyor of digital widgets, and the next they’re stuffing the corporate mattress with 558 million smackeroos’ worth of $TON, thanks to an insistent jab in the ribs from Kingsway Capital and a colorful cavalry of 110 institutions who, frankly, all looked like they’d been schooled by Houdini. 💸

Bitcoin [BTC] mining just got tougher. Network difficulty has climbed to an all-time high of 127.62 trillion, following a steady rise in Bitcoin’s hashrate, which is now averaging over 1.13 ZH/s (zettahashes per second). Because nothing says “fun” like doing 127 trillion hash attempts per block. Who needs sleep when you can crunch numbers? 🤯

Nano Labs Ltd, a company sprouting from the fertile digital soil of China, is taking a giant leap (and hopefully not a pratfall) towards a future peppered with *bytes* and *coins* in Central Asia. They’ve recently received a thumbs up from the Kyrgyz Republic to unleash a CNH-pegged stablecoin. Yes, you heard that right—this coin is tethered to the offshore Chinese yuan (CNH), practically making it as popular in Kyrgyzstan as a sheep on a spit during a festival.

Nowadays, you gotta pick your poison—wrong model, wrong prompt, and you’re up the creek without a paddle, wastin’ time, tokens, or quality. GPT-5’s supposed to be your personal valet, knowin’ when to hit the nitro for calculus proofs and when to coast for grocery lists. If the gears don’t grind, you get the best of both worlds without fiddlin’ with no dropdowns. 🧑‍💼⚙️

Ethena’s recent escapades in the market confirm its resilience as it trades firmly above a critical technical region near $0.47. This level, once a formidable barrier, has now transformed into a bastion of support, a classic example of a bullish retest. The region also coincides with the value area high and the VWAP support, creating a confluence of factors that suggest a potential base is forming—a veritable launching pad for future ascents.

For six long, agonizing days, from a peak of $0.00001315 on the 28th of July, PEPE plummeted to a disheartening low of $0.00000986, adding a zero to its price in a cruel twist of fate. This dramatic descent, which began from a lofty $0.00001475 on July 22, pushed PEPE perilously close to oversold territory, until the bulls, ever so dramatically, decided to step in and save the day. 🚀

Now, let us delve into this carnival of numbers and shadows. The triumphant Spark token, like a rebellious peacock, pranced to a lofty $0.1276—its peak since July 25th—leaping a glorious 65% from its humble lows. The volume? Ah, a roaring $338 million a day, outstripping its market cap of paltry $137 million—evidence, surely, of some underhanded game afoot, or perhaps just the usual crypto madness!

The Real World Asset (RWA) narrative is the talk of the town, leading the crypto market with a resurgence of strength. XLM, INJ, and ONDO, three of the biggest players in this rodeo, have pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and are ready to challenge the next resistance levels. So, which one will lead the charge? Let’s take a closer look.

The protocol, which had barely begun to sip from the chalice of existence, revealed a “security breach” at 9:10 UTC on Monday—a theatrical curtain call for its users, who were gently herded away from depositing funds. 🎭

With the finesse of a second-rate magician, the attacker siphoned assets and minted unbacked acUSDC tokens—a synthetic masterpiece unique to CrediX’s Sonic USDC market. No collateral, no support, just pure audacity. 🪙 Using the BRIDGE role, they borrowed and drained pool assets, creating money out of thin air. Ah, the modern alchemist! If only such talent were directed toward more noble pursuits, like writing bad Chekhov parodies. 📜