GBPJPY

At press time, XRP is clinging to life around $3.03-$3.07. That’s right, folks-it’s still breathing after some serious market turbulence. Sure, it retreated from its July highs near $3.65, but guess what? The $3 mark has held strong like an overprotective parent. Daily turnover? A whopping $6 billion! It seems institutions are throwing money at this thing faster than you can say “crypto chaos.” 💸

Bitcoin (BTC) went up by a whopping… wait for it… 0.17% in the last day. I mean, hold onto your hats, folks. This is the kind of action that gets people calling their brokers! Or maybe not. 🙄

Daily transaction fees, once the blood and sweat of miners, now barely register-3.5 BTC, whispers Glassnode, as if gossiping over stale tea.
The streets are abuzz not with revolution, but with the echoes of Powell’s Jackson Hole sermon, hinting at merciful rate cuts, surely to save us from our own foolish optimism. “Policy adjustments,” he muses. It’s enough to make a speculator swoon or sob, depending on his last buy-in.

At the beginning of the year, Ethereum (ETH) was trading at a measly 0.036 BTC per coin. By April and May, it had plummeted to 0.019 BTC, but it’s since soared to 0.042 BTC. 2025 has been a slow burn for ETH, with its momentum taking a bit longer to kick in, but several magical factors have fueled its recent ascent. Top of the list is the vanishing act of ETH on exchanges-levels not seen since the dark ages of July 2016.

And who wouldn’t listen to an ‘insight’ from a heavyweight crypto fortune teller like Eric Trump? It’s like watching a tiny shrimp perform quantum physics – bewildering yet intriguing. At some Wyoming Blockchain Symposium event (probably located inside a volcano, we suspect), Trump prognosticated that Bitcoin might skyrocket beyond $175K by December, before taking a joyride to over $1M in a couple of galactic rotations. “There’s no question!” he declared with the confidence of a man who believes he’s seen a flying spaghetti monster.

On the 24th of August, the daily chart reveals a tale of woe. A double top near $124,000-a folly of hubris-and a breakdown below $117,000, the sacred support now a tomb for bullish dreams. The rebound from $111,658, once a savior, now falters like a drunkard’s last attempt to stand. Volume, that fickle friend, betrays the bulls with red candles roaring like a bear’s growl. Traders, dear souls, take heed: $117,000 is your Promised Land, and $111,658, the abyss. 🐻‍❄️

For months, the crypto cognoscenti have bickered like schoolboys over a marbles tournament, debating the likelihood of an altseason. Some, with the optimism of a first-time investor, declared it an impossibility, citing the bloated volumes of altcoins over the past four years. Others, more cunning or perhaps merely more deluded, insisted on a selective renaissance, predicated on the trifecta of community, market capitalization, and utility. A delightful farce, no doubt, but one that Egrag Crypto now claims to have resolved with the precision of a Swiss watchmaker.

In what can only be described as an epistle of anxiety, Apple proclaimed that they have come into contact with reports of an “extremely sophisticated” assault. One must chuckle with incredulity at the idea of a “sophisticated” attack when we consider the simple complexity of human existence. Yet, in true Apple fashion, they implore their users-like a mother hen urging her chicks to heed the rain-to install the latest iOS, iPadOS, and macOS patches without delay. It seems the worm at the core of our beloved devices has been festering, described as nothing less than an out-of-bounds write, fixed-if one could believe such as being possible-with refined bounds checking. A malicious image file, it appears, can cause our devices to become as confused as a cat in a dog park, leading to severe memory corruption.