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The chaos began when BNB Chain’s X account was hacked-cue the birth of “4.” 🤡

Tether’s growing reserves in gold and Treasuries highlight how stablecoins are bridging digital assets with real-world stores of value. Like they’re building a digital Fort Knox. 🏦💎

As the market’s volatility finally takes a chill pill, Floki clings to a support zone like a toddler to a lollipop. Now we’re left wondering: is this the calm before the storm, or just the calm before someone accidentally drops the price? 🤷♂️

Gemini’s AI model, with all the confidence of a Fortune 500 CEO, predicts that $SOL will hit $300 before the year ends. The forecast is based on Solana’s supremacy across almost every on-chain metric that actually matters (not the fake metrics, mind you).

Hon took to X (formerly Twitter) to cry wolf, explaining that scammers paid Telegram to push ads into a channel that’s *supposed* to be sacred ground for official updates. Imagine if your boss started letting random strangers send emails from your company Slack. “Crazy,” Hon said, “that Telegram will push content directly into a channel that otherwise only contains content from one party.” Spoiler: That one party is not the FBI. 🚨

Metaplanet’s shares, now trading at a mere 482 yen (a paltry $3.10), have plummeted 12.36%-a drop so dramatic, it could make even the most stoic accountant weep. The culprit? A crypto market so shaky, it’s as if the entire industry is trying to out-scare a haunted house. Investors, ever the fickle lovers, now eye Bitcoin-holding firms with the suspicion of a man spotting a tax auditor in a mirror.

If you think that’s impressive, earlier this month PancakeSwap boasted of crossing a milestone worthy of bragging-over $2.5 trillion in trading volume on BNB Chain. Trillions! That’s enough zeros to make your head spin, or to make you wonder if everyone’s secretly just trading meme coins that look like Monopoly money. Anyway, all this hustle has caught the eye of BNB Chain, which often appears to be floating around the crypto party with a big grin and a handful of goodies.

It’s Day 14 of the U.S. government shutdown (two weeks of glorious political chaos, hold your applause), and yet Uncle Sam’s crypto wallet seems to be alive and kicking. While the shutdown holds everything else hostage, the feds transferred over $73 million in bitcoin with absolutely no regard for political proceedings. According to Arkham’s super-sleuthy metrics, at exactly 4:57 a.m. Eastern, the government did a little warm-up act with a tiny test transfer of 0.001 BTC (about $111 at the time).

In a dispatch on X, worthy of a society scandal, Monad co-founder Keone Hon has issued a clarion call: beware the clicking of ads in our hallowed channel! These rogues have procured Telegram spots that slither into the project’s exclusive announcement sanctum-a realm hitherto pristine, reserved solely for Monad’s own proclamations. 😤

Ripple claims this stunt is part of an epic master plan to make the XRP Ledger the Fort Knox of DeFi. Because nothing screams confidence like inviting hackers in for a friendly game of “see if you can break it.”