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Let us now consult the oracle of recent Ethereum trading data to understand why March might still be playing tricks on us.

Bitcoin’s price is currently increasing at the same time as the U.S. dollar’s value, a trend we’ve seen happen a few times since Donald Trump was elected in 2024.

So, two board members of American Bitcoin (ABTC), the bitcoin mining company that’s basically the Trump family’s side hustle, decided it was a great idea to buy up a ton of stock after the company announced a $59 million loss. Because, you know, nothing screams “confidence” like buying shares at $1 when they used to be $8. Justin Mateen, the Tinder co-founder who’s been on the board since March 2025, grabbed 1.3 million shares. Richard Busch, a lawyer (because every good Bitcoin scheme needs one), snagged 330,000. Teamwork makes the dream work, I guess?

CryptoQuant analyst Darkfost recently pointed out on X (formerly Twitter) that the derivatives market could be positioning itself to punish those betting against the price of Bitcoin (short sellers).

In his latest YouTube soliloquy, Cowen regales us with the recurring farce of Bitcoin’s yearly performance. Apparently, our dear BTC has a penchant for dramatic declines in January and February, followed by a brief, flirtatious rally in March, only to wilt again in April and May. How très banal.

In a new experiment as blank and innocent as a newborn’s first thought, researchers asked AI models to weigh the worth of currencies. No bias, no prompting, just cold, silent choices. And yet, bitcoin emerged triumphant, as if laughing quietly at centuries of human obsession with bills and coins.

XRP, dear reader, has made quite the splash, floating along with its buddies Bitcoin and Ethereum like a trio of friends at a summer picnic, each vying for attention. A robust surge propelled it beyond the $1.450 resistance, and one cannot help but admire its pluck!

This surge came with Bitcoin at the helm, its iron horse steering the rest of the cryptos up 6% after smashing the $70,000 threshold. One wonders if AERO’s bulls can keep marching forward and finally smash through the upward‑bound trend channel.

Now, rotation into altcoins has been about as lively as a damp squib since Q4 2025. But here’s the kicker: the gap between Bitcoin (yes, that one) and altcoins continues to grow wider, like the distance between a cat and a bath. That, my dear reader, is the key to unlocking where the money is hiding.

On the fourth of March, no less, Zerohash presented its application to the U.S. Office of the Comptroller of the Currency (OCC), proposing the establishment of a federally supervised entity by the name of “Zerohash National Trust.” This establishment, my dear reader, is intended to manage the custody of digital assets and other services intricately tied to the enigmatic world of blockchain-based finance.