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This Mr. Hayes, he used to run a crypto exchange called Bitmex (sounds like a snake oil salesman’s establishment, if you ask me), and now he’s the big cheese at Maelstrom Fund. He’s been jawin’ about how if Trump were to be back in the White House, he might just unleash a whole heapin’ helpin’ of money-printin’. He thinks some fella named Scott Bessent might try to control interest rates like they did back in the war – a time when folks were worried about a bit more than the price of a loaf of bread. Now, that, he reckons, could create a whole lotta credit.

BNB outpaced its peers in September, setting it up for a possible $40B market cap gain by year-end. Let’s hope the market doesn’t crash into a wall of confusion. 🛑

Now, before you start dreaming of Lambos and moon missions, remember: this plan is as non-binding as a New Year’s resolution. But hey, crypto bigwigs like Coinbase, Circle, and Ripple are already popping the champagne. 🍾 The public has until October 20 to weigh in on this financial rollercoaster. Buckle up! 🎢

Ah, Chainlink! A fighter beaten by the cruel mid-$27 barrier, retreating like a weary soldier now hovering near $21.43, limping down 6.66% this week. The weekly chart tells a tale of reversal, the price trembling at the edge of the Ichimoku cloud-a ghostly battleground known to greet past heroes who dared to rebound.

Hold my beer, Bloomberg says Tether’s throwing a *private equity party* and the dress code is “bring a briefcase full of cash.” $15-20B for 3%? Sounds like a Black Friday sale at the world’s sketchiest crypto garage. 🚨

Meanwhile, in a move as surprising as a fox in a henhouse, Hashdex-those darlings of crypto asset management-have filed to expand their index fund. 🦊 Oh, the audacity! Their NCIQ, hitherto a mere vessel for Bitcoin and Ethereum, now aspires to embrace the full menagerie of digital assets. Nasdaq Crypto Index, here they come, with all the subtlety of a brass band at a funeral. 🎺

The mXRP token, created as an ERC-20 asset on the XRP Ledger’s EVM sidechain – because why not have your blockchain and eat it, too? – allows its bearers to flit effortlessly through the enchanted gardens of DeFi platforms. Unlike those dour XRP yield products that lock up your assets tighter than grandma’s cookie jar, mXRP prefers a society where freedom reigns supreme, hopping from lending pools to liquidity foyers with grace and aplomb.

Korea’s Financial Intelligence Unit tallied 36,684 suspicious reports Jan-Aug 2025-a biblical flood surpassing two years’ worth of trickle. Imagine Noah’s Ark, but for crypto grifters. 🚢

Husky Inu’s regular price increases have seen it raise $897,020 so far. The project could reach the $900,000 mark by the end of the week. Because nothing says “community” like a group of people collectively hoping a decimal point will magically turn into a dollar sign. 💸

His Excellency, President Lula da Silva, having no doubt confounded his cabinet with this latest stroke of brilliance, has graciously granted leave to two civil servants-yes, the very same breed who usually juggle paperwork and perhaps a photocopier-to camp out at a cryptocurrency shindig in Panama.