Roll up, roll up, darling-crypto’s very own amateur dramatic society is back on stage! 🎭

Yes, mes enfants, even as the curtain wobbles on its rusty rings, our darling XRP still flounces around whispering “fiver” like a chorus girl who’s mislaid her chaperone. After a July fling that catapulted it from a perfectly respectable £2.40 to a positively giddy £3.60, it has now collapsed elegantly onto the chaise longue at £3.20, powdering its nose and murmuring “Darling, the trend is still intact-pass the martini.” 🍸

Technically, there’s a tiresome descending trendline lurking at £3.40-rather like an ex at a cocktail party-but break above it and we’re off to £3.60, then the glittering £4, and finally the darling £5 we’ve all promised ourselves in our more… optimistic moments. Stranger things have happened; I once mislaid an entire villa in Ibiza, after all.

Until then, if price should slip flirtatiously toward the 20-day EMA at £3.05 or-mon dieu-the 50-day at £2.79, just hum “Buy the dip” to yourself in a sultry whisper and pick-up what the less fabulous have tossed away. Accumulate, darling, accumulate. 💅

Shiba Inu’s Shoulder Shrug 👤➡️🐶

Meanwhile our dearest Shiba Inu, half fashion accessory, half canine cult, is sculpting a head-and-shoulders pattern that would make Madame Tussauds weep with envy. The left shoulder appeared in July, the head poked bravely up at £0.00001550, and now the right shoulder is threatening to sulk at £0.00001428 (where the 200-day moving average lounges smoking a Gauloise).

Should neckline support at £0.0000120-£0.0000122 snap-quel horreur!-we could pirouette all the way to £0.00001000, a price so petite it needs a microscope and a stiff brandy. On the other paw, shove it past £0.00001450 and the whole bearish cabaret could be canceled mid-performance. Honestly, keeping up with this dog is more exhausting than a weekend at Gstaad.

Bitcoin paddles in the deep end (designer float optional) 🛟

And now for Bitcoin, the grande dame herself, trying to claw past the £120,000 velvet rope-only to be told, “Not tonight, Josephine”, each and every time. A decline beneath the 20-day EMA at £115,964 might see her wobble to the 50-day at £113,934 or even the 100-day at £108,377, where bargain-hunters pretend they intended to arrive all along.

Volume, bless it, is as lethargic as a deb after Ascot, and the RSI at 57 merely yawns, “I’m neutral, darling-make it interesting.” So unless that £120k handle is smashed and mounted like a hunting trophy, BTC may bob about like a bored yacht in Monte Carlo harbour- très chic but going precisely nowhere. ⚓️

There we have it: coins in costumes, charts playing charades, and the entire audience swapping gossip while pretending to check “fundamentals.” Just remember-love may be ephemeral, but FOMO is forever. Chin-chin! 🥂

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2025-08-11 03:30