Why This Hyped ICO Might Just Be the Biggest Joke of the Summer 🎭💸

So, here we are, folks—staring wide-eyed at Pump.fun, a Solana-based launchpad that’s got more hype than a kid on sugar, and oh, what a crash it’s had since peaking at a glorious $7 million. Grab your popcorn! 🍿 Because the revenue has tumbled down, down, down—92%, to be precise. Ah, the sweet smell of descent into madness! Who doesn’t love a good rollercoaster ride? 🎢

A ‘One Last Exit Pump’ Narrative

ICO. Just saying it gives me the cold sweats. Remember 2017? The wild west of cryptocurrencies, where every altcoin promised you the moon and delivered, well, a hard kick instead. 🚪🔥 While some people are optimistic about ICOs making a comeback, others have the foresight of a raccoon on a break. 🚧 They’re calling it the “bubble” renaissance, all while comparing it to the Bitcoin treasure hunt that’s still going on.

So when Pump.fun (clever name, right?!) decided to announce an ICO for 2025 in this wild crypto carnival, I chuckled. Alon Cohen, the self-proclaimed jester of the cryptocurrency circus, has a past that ranges from questionable jokes to this gem:

ONE LAST EXIT PUMP

— alon (@a1lon9) July 6, 2024

‘Seeing rumors… these are wrong’

In July 2024, our dear friend Cohen tweeted about the “exit pump.” Finally, we’re here for the “exit”—what a relief! 🤦‍♂️ But rewind a bit—back in February, he was like, “Nah, we’re not doing tokens.” Classic crypto behavior: “Let’s deny, then surprise!”

Fast forward to July 9, and surprise! 🎉 The token is launching on July 12. They’re on a mission to *literally* “Kill Facebook, TikTok, and Twitch. On Solana.” But what is the plan? Who knows! Maybe they’ll just throw some memecoins around and hope for the best! 🤷‍♀️

Picture this: a clip where a woman hands a man a Pump.fun pill. He takes it and—bam!—he’s in a universe where memecoins and streamers live their best lives. Can you imagine? “Change your life… maybe even the world.” Wow, now that’s some high-pressure sales, my friends! 😅

ICO Structure

Now for the juicy bits: a trillion tokens. Because why not? The breakdown looks like your average musty pie chart, but we’re slicing it this way:

• 33% for the ICO – gold star opportunity, right?
• 24% to community “initiatives”—but really, it’s just for their friend’s podcast.
• 20% goes to the team—mostly pizza fund, I suspect. 🍕
• 13% for existing investors—who said “newbies” anyway?
• 2.4% for the ecosystem fund—funding what? No idea!
• 2% for the foundation—a nice cushion for some holiday bonuses!
• 3% destined for livestreaming—because what’s a party without a show?
• 2.6% for liquidity—in case we get thirsty!

. Scott Melker, brilliantly dubbed “The Wolf of All Streets” 🌕, tried to translate this shenanigan into plain English. Because you know, we all need a Rosetta Stone for cryptocurrency today.

“Here’s how I am reading this chart:

Insiders: Team (20%) + Existing Investors (13%) + Community & Ecosystem Initiatives ((extra cash for the team) (24%)) + Foundation (2%)

ICO: Will the 33% truly have a fair launch? At least the supporting platforms have been announced ahead of time.

The community that matters: Livestreaming (3%)”

And keep this in mind: 18% has already vanished in a private sale! The public sale? Well, let’s just say grab onto your seats—15% of the total supply is now up for grabs! Who wouldn’t want a piece of that pie? 🍰 But don’t worry, they promise it’s only “non-transferable” for 48 to 72 hours. Classic! Nothing like adding a dash of suspense to the mix, right?

Remind me again why regular investors should feel good about waiting around aimlessly? The insiders are dancing around with their shiny tokens while others look on like kids at a candy shop, only to find the shelves are empty. 😩

Some folks are getting a bit feisty about the lack of airdrops, while others are shaking their heads over Cohen’s earlier declaration that “exchange listings are dead.” Is that a flex or a misstep? You tell me!

‘Kill Facebook, TikTok and Twitch’

Meanwhile, the latest thread announcing the native token launch conveniently ignores how Pump.fun’s revenue has seen a steady decline. It’s like trying to brush dirt under the rug, and they totally missed the part where they trail significantly behind Let’s Bonk when it comes to volume. Tough crowd! 😬

They scream “to kill Facebook, TikTok, and Twitch” without dropping an explanation on how they plan to overtake those titans of social media. Ambitious, or just plain reckless? Who’s to say!

But hey, they did host a wedding and help some poor little girl with a brain tumor through a charity token. Let’s throw them a bone for that. 🦴 But then again, the ludicrous stunts on Pump.fun livestreams have taken a turn for the bizarre. We’re talking living on the street, threats of violence, and streams that might make Stephen King cringe. Where’s the line between entertainment and insanity, I wonder? 🤔

Disturbing X-rated tales and viral threats against both two-legged and four-legged pals are becoming the norm. 🐾

We’ll just have to wait and see if this native token is a new exciting chapter in the mess that is the Pump.fun saga or if it’s just one spectacular exit pump for Cohen and his crew. Buckle up, everyone! 🎢

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2025-07-14 00:16