Breaking news: The US Bureau of Labor Statistics dropped CPI numbers so underwhelming, they could’ve been a contestant on Survivor and gotten voted off in the first episode. Monthly inflation? A measly 0.3%. Annual? 2.7%. Core CPI? Still not worth a trophy, folks. Both numbers missed expectations by 0.1%-because even inflation’s playing coy these days.
Enter Donald Trump, mic in hand, ready to roast Fed Chair Jerome Powell like a Thanksgiving turkey. For 18 months, he’s been screaming, “CUT THE RATES, JEROME!” Now, with CPI as his new BFF, he’s back with a vengeance. “You’re too late!” he yells. “Cut the interest rates, MEANINGFULLY!!!” (Note: Capitalization is for emphasis; probably doesn’t mean “use a thesaurus.”)
BREAKING: POTUS tweets at the Fed like it’s a customer service line. “Thank you mister tariff,” he adds, because why not?
– The Kobeissi Letter (@KobeissiLetter) Jan 13, 2026
Bitcoin, meanwhile, is doing the financial equivalent of a confused shrug. It spiked from $92k to $92.5k post-CPI, then slumped back down like a deflated bouncy castle. Now it’s rallying again, probably because the market’s geopolitical drama is more exciting than this drama. Buckle up-volatility’s coming, and it’s bringing snacks (for the rollercoaster, obviously).
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2026-01-13 18:41