In the NYC mayoral race, Andrew Cuomo continues to hog the crypto crowd’s attention like a squirrel hoarding acorns in a digital forest, while Zohran Mamdani somehow remains the human equivalent of a trending Twitter thread-everyone’s quoting him, but no one’s sure what he means.
Donald Trump, never one to mince words (or facts), recently declared that while he wouldn’t invite Cuomo to a backyard BBQ, he’d still pick him over Mamdani, whom he compared to a “used car salesman for the Bolsheviks.”
Mamdani’s Momentum: A Red Scare for Republicans? 🚩
Zohran Mamdani has become the political equivalent of a viral TikTok dance-everyone’s talking about him, but no one’s quite sure what he’ll do next.
The New York State Rep, who once tweeted “Capitalism is a social construct 🧠” (with emoji, no less), has become the poster boy for progressives. His crypto stance? Vague enough to keep everyone guessing. His charm? Apparently irresistible to millennials who think “policy” is a type of NFT.
Meanwhile, pro-crypto elites are rallying behind Cuomo like he’s the last slice of pizza at a blockchain conference. Even Trump chimed in during a recent 60 Minutes interview, where he also demanded a recount in 2020 and asked if the interviewer had “ever considered a career in real estate.”
“I’m not a fan of Cuomo one way or the other,” Trump said, squinting into the middle distance, “but if it’s between a bad Democrat and a guy who probably owns a Che Guevara hoodie, I’ll take the Democrat who at least knows how to spell ‘capitalism.’”
Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson, meanwhile, warned that Mamdani’s rise could turn NYC into “a Marxist theme park with fewer bagels.” He added that Chuck Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries are “terrified” of Mamdani’s socialist TikTok dances.
JOHNSON: MAMDANI COULD TURN NYC INTO A “MARXIST DREAMLAND” 🚨
“If Mamdani wins, Brooklyn will be renamed Marxville and your avocado toast will cost extra,” Johnson allegedly said. 🧑🍳
– *Walter Bloomberg (@DeItaone) November 3, 2025
Youth Support vs. Reality: The AARP vs. the TikTok Generation 📈🧓
Prediction markets show Mamdani leading young voters, Brooklyn hipsters, and anyone who owns a “Tax the Billionaires” tote bag. Cuomo, meanwhile, is the candidate of choice for Manhattan elites and boomers who still say “cyberspace” unironically.
“Mamdani’s 92% odds are about as reliable as a weather forecast in a hurricane,” Kalshi analysts tweeted. “Cuomo’s up 11 points statewide, which is math, but also vibes.” 💹
– Kalshi (@Kalshi) November 3, 2025
Inside NYC, 49% of traders are betting on Cuomo (40% on Mamdani). Older voters are showing up early like it’s Black Friday at Bed Bath & Beyond. Mamdani’s base? 67% aged 18-34, which explains why his campaign’s Spotify playlist has 14,000 plays and Cuomo’s sounds like elevator music.
Cuomo’s Crypto Gambit: A Midlife Crisis? 💰
Cuomo’s sudden love for crypto is as convincing as a vegan food critic reviewing a steakhouse. But hey, desperate times call for desperate blockchain strategies!
He’s vowed to turn NYC into a “crypto utopia,” which in his mind probably involves a lot of Bitcoin-themed subway ads and a NFT for every pothole. Critics, however, keep bringing up his paid gig at OKX, where he “consulted” during a $504 million federal case. His team insists it was “just policy stuff.” Sure it was. 🤑
With Eric Adams out of the race, Cuomo’s the only pro-crypto candidate left. Whether this makes him the hero or the guy who brings a Wi-Fi router to a knife fight? Stay tuned. 📡
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2025-11-04 01:03