And thus, in the third quarter of this most perplexing era-somewhere between prophecy, madness, and ASICs-there came forth from Singapore a company known as BitFuFu, its coffers swelling like a demon summoned at midnight. Revenue, that fickle mistress, doubled from last year’s paltry sum, soaring to an almost biblical $180.7 million, a number that even Pontius Pilate might have hesitated before signing off on.
Was it innovation? Was it divine intervention? Or was it simply that Bitcoin, that capricious golden calf, rose from $61,000 to a dizzying $114,500, transforming every garage-bound miner into a high-flying capitalist angel with a power cord? According to BitFuFu’s earnings report-delivered, one imagines, on parchment rather than PDF-cloud mining brought in $122 million of that fortune. That’s not just profit; that’s a Faustian bargain paying dividends. 😏
The devil, as always, is in the details. Or rather, in the hashrate. Which, incidentally, has also doubled-jumping from a mere 687.19 million to a soul-crushing 1.19 billion. Ycharts says so, and who are we to argue with digital oracles?
BitFuFu, not unlike Woland himself, operates on multiple planes of existence: it mines BTC directly (like a humble serf with a shovel), sells mining machines (like a merchant at Golgotha), hosts hardware (for those too weak to bear the load), and rents out hash rate (because why buy a donkey when you can lease one for an hour?).
Cloud Mining: Because Who Has Time for Hardware Fixes?
Behold, the people have spoken-and they are lazy. Gloriously lazy. Over 40% more of them, to be exact. Cloud-mining users surged to 641,526 souls, each seeking salvation through computing power without the burden of actually owning a server. And the machines? Oh, the machines! Sales leapt from a laughable $0.3 million last year to a thunderous $35 million. That’s progress, comrades. That’s capitalism with a GPU. 💥
“This growth reflects strong demand for mining machines,” BitFuFu solemnly declared, as if it weren’t obvious that when Bitcoin climbs, even accountants start dreaming in SHA-256.
Self-Mining: Because Greed Is Its Own Reward
Now, some miners, frightened by the 2024 halving-an event so traumatic it might as well have been an eclipse-have fled to AI and high-power computing, chasing new gods of data. But not BitFuFu. No. Like a stubborn goat on a digital cliff, it continues to mine Bitcoin itself.
“Our strong third-quarter results demonstrate the benefits of our differentiated dual-engine model, combining recurring cloud-mining revenue with direct participation in Bitcoin price appreciation through our self-mining operations.”
Translation: we’re making money one way, then making more money the same way, but slower and with more electricity. Brilliant. Truly, Woland would be proud. 🎭
“This model gives us multiple levers to manage volatility,” piped in CEO Leo Lu, “and our strong balance sheet provides flexibility to invest where returns are most compelling.”
In other words: we’re rich, we’re stable, and we’re not telling the witches when the storm ends.
In Q3, BitFuFu mined 174 Bitcoins-174 little digital messiahs mining their way into the vault. And total holdings? Up 19%, now sitting at 1,962 BTC. That’s not a treasury. That’s a cult’s ransom. 🏦😈
So let the cynics scoff. Let the bears growl. The machine hums on, the hashrate climbs, and somewhere in the fog of Singapore, a profit report has just been signed-in blood, or possibly in JavaScript.
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2025-11-13 08:18