And thus, in the third quarter of this most perplexing era-somewhere between prophecy, madness, and ASICs-there came forth from Singapore a company known as BitFuFu, its coffers swelling like a demon summoned at midnight. Revenue, that fickle mistress, doubled from last year’s paltry sum, soaring to an almost biblical $180.7 million, a number that even Pontius Pilate might have hesitated before signing off on.
Was it innovation? Was it divine intervention? Or was it simply that Bitcoin, that capricious golden calf, rose from $61,000 to a dizzying $114,500, transforming every garage-bound miner into a high-flying capitalist angel with a power cord? According to BitFuFu’s earnings report-delivered, one imagines, on parchment rather than PDF-cloud mining brought in $122 million of that fortune. That’s not just profit; that’s a Faustian bargain paying dividends. 😏
The devil, as always, is in the details. Or rather, in the hashrate. Which, incidentally, has also doubled-jumping from a mere 687.19 million to a soul-crushing 1.19 billion. Ycharts says so, and who are we to argue with digital oracles?
BitFuFu, not unlike Woland himself, operates on multiple planes of existence: it mines BTC directly (like a humble serf with a shovel), sells mining machines (like a merchant at Golgotha), hosts hardware (for those too weak to bear the load), and rents out hash rate (because why buy a donkey when you can lease one for an hour?).
Cloud Mining: Because Who Has Time for Hardware Fixes?
Behold, the people have spoken-and they are lazy. Gloriously lazy. Over 40% more of them, to be exact. Cloud-mining users surged to 641,526 souls, each seeking salvation through computing power without the burden of actually owning a server. And the machines? Oh, the machines! Sales leapt from a laughable $0.3 million last year to a thunderous $35 million. That’s progress, comrades. That’s capitalism with a GPU. 💥
“This growth reflects strong demand for mining machines,” BitFuFu solemnly declared, as if it weren’t obvious that when Bitcoin climbs, even accountants start dreaming in SHA-256.
Self-Mining: Because Greed Is Its Own Reward
Now, some miners, frightened by the 2024 halving-an event so traumatic it might as well have been an eclipse-have fled to AI and high-power computing, chasing new gods of data. But not BitFuFu. No. Like a stubborn goat on a digital cliff, it continues to mine Bitcoin itself.
“Our strong third-quarter results demonstrate the benefits of our differentiated dual-engine model, combining recurring cloud-mining revenue with direct participation in Bitcoin price appreciation through our self-mining operations.”
Translation: we’re making money one way, then making more money the same way, but slower and with more electricity. Brilliant. Truly, Woland would be proud. 🎭
“This model gives us multiple levers to manage volatility,” piped in CEO Leo Lu, “and our strong balance sheet provides flexibility to invest where returns are most compelling.”
In other words: we’re rich, we’re stable, and we’re not telling the witches when the storm ends.
In Q3, BitFuFu mined 174 Bitcoins-174 little digital messiahs mining their way into the vault. And total holdings? Up 19%, now sitting at 1,962 BTC. That’s not a treasury. That’s a cult’s ransom. 🏦😈
So let the cynics scoff. Let the bears growl. The machine hums on, the hashrate climbs, and somewhere in the fog of Singapore, a profit report has just been signed-in blood, or possibly in JavaScript.
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- tag, and it shouldn’t be repeated in the body. All images should stay in place, but there are no images here. I need to add humor and emojis while keeping the original information. First, I’ll tackle the title. The original title is “Cardano May Finally Get Chance to Flip Tron, Here’s Reason”. To make it clickbaity and Mel Brooks-style, maybe something like “Cardano vs. Tron: The Flippening Frenzy 🚀 (Spoiler: Whales Are Involved)”. It’s under 100 characters and has emojis. Next, the body. The original paragraphs discuss ADA and TRX’s market positions, price movements, and trading volumes. Mel Brooks’ style is comedic and sarcastic, so I can exaggerate the scenarios. For example, referring to ADA’s price surge as a “heroic breakout” or “whales in the ocean” with emojis like 🐋. Use phrases like “plot twist” or “suspenseful drama” to mimic Brooks’ flair for over-the-top storytelling. I need to replace technical terms with humorous analogies. Instead of “bullish reset,” maybe “bullish adrenaline rush.” Mentioning the RSI as a “nervous ticker” could add a funny touch. Also, use emojis like 💸, 📈, and 🤑 to keep it light and engaging. Check for any parts that can be sarcastic. For instance, when talking about Tron’s slight decline, say “Tron, the underdog, is currently sipping from the ‘0.08% Decline’ chalice of despair.” That adds a humorous twist. Ensure all key data points are retained but presented in a more entertaining way. Avoid markdown and stick to HTML tags like and . Make sure not to use any tags or colors. Also, confirm that the title is only in the tag and not repeated elsewhere. Finally, review for emojis and humor without overshadowing the original content. Ensure the HTML structure is correct and all necessary elements are included. Let me put it all together now.End of Thought (15.22s) Cardano vs. Tron: The Flippening Frenzy 🚀 (Spoiler: Whales Are Involved)
2025-11-13 08:18