Ah, the ever-so-gracious Square has finally deigned to let merchants accept Bitcoin, as if it were a mere afterthought in their grand scheme of financial enlightenment. 🎩💸
Jack Dorsey, that paragon of innovation, proclaimed that merchants can now exchange Bitcoin for fiat, or fiat for Bitcoin, or simply stare at their screens in existential confusion. 🤷♂️
Jacob Szymik, ever the optimist, assured us that online payments are “in the works,” a phrase that has come to mean “we’ll get around to it… eventually.” 🕒
And let us not forget the pièce de résistance: no fees until 2027! A promise as solid as a sandcastle in a hurricane. 🌊
Square, ever the trendsetter, teased its Bitcoin ambitions in October, offering a conversion feature that made even the most jaded merchant whisper, “Is this real life?” 🤯
Users already using the system
Over four million sellers, spread across eight countries, now have the dubious honor of being Square’s guinea pigs. 🐇
Parker Lewis, the intrepid pioneer, reported purchasing coffee with Bitcoin, a feat so impressive it could make even the most stoic merchant weep with joy. ☕💎
I was the first customer to pay with bitcoin at My Coffee in Roseburg Oregon! 🧡
– Ryan Finlay (@ryanfinlay) November 10, 2025
Katie Ananina, the marketing maestro, declared Square’s move “legendary,” a term that has come to mean “finally, someone else is as frustrated as I am.” 🙃
“You literally had to orange pill the person behind the business to the extend where they themselves become Bitcoiners and get onboard. Today’s Square move is absolutely legendary and makes the entry point so much lower. Huge!”
A July YouGov survey revealed that 37% of Americans and Britons believe crypto and AI are the future. Naturally. 🤖
Live map of Bitcoin-accepting shops goes live
Dorsey, ever the showman, unveiled a map of Bitcoin-accepting shops, a masterpiece of modern cartography that now proudly displays the locations of every Bitcoin-accepting shop, because nothing says “I’m a tech visionary” like a glowing map. 🗺️
“Convince your local square seller to turn on Bitcoin acceptance for zero fees on sales. Convince them to keep it as Bitcoin to help them better survive dollar debasement,” Dorsey added, because nothing says “sustainability” like a cryptic tweet. 🧠
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2025-11-11 05:18