Senate Stalls on Crypto Bill: Stablecoins Spark a Political Duel 🏛️💸

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Now, mark me, dear reader, for I shall recount the latest shenanigans in the grand ol’ Capitol, where the Senate’s crypto bill doth flounder like a cat in a rainstorm. Senator Cynthia Lummis, that most ardent of digital asset enthusiasts (or perhaps just a woman with a fondness for shiny new toys), hath delayed the bill’s progress, all because she refuses to tweak a provision from the GENIUS Act. Said provision, as it so happens, forbids stablecoin issuers from dishing out interest payments-like telling a tavern keeper he can’t serve whiskey on the house. 🍻

Lawmakers Split Over Crypto Interest Provisions

Yonder Lummis, bless her stubborn heart, resists the combined pressures of both Republicans and Democrats to alter the interest language. The banking industry, ever the schemers, argues this creates a loophole for crypto exchanges to offer rewards-i.e., pay interest-while wearing the mask of virtue. “I’m of the opinion we should leave the stablecoin bill alone,” she declared to reporters, “we’ve got enough problems with market structure.” Aye, and who among us hasn’t? The crypto crowd, meanwhile, has launched a campaign to preserve their precious rewards, as if the fate of liberty itself hinges on the interest rate of a USD-backed token. 🚨

Opponents of crypto interest, those dreary souls who think “yield” is a sin, want the rewards issue addressed in the new market structure bill. This legislation, they say, will establish rules for digital asset markets-though one might question if Congress can even regulate a lemonade stand without causing a constitutional crisis. 🍋

Senator Bill Hagerty of Tennessee, the bill’s sponsor, admits the matter is “complex,” as if describing a three-legged race. “This is something that’s going to require a lot more attention from my colleagues to address. Everything is up in the air,” he sighs, which is poetic, if slightly unhelpful. 🌪️

Crypto And Banking Lobbies Clash

Last month, Senate Banking Republicans updated a draft of the market structure bill, hoping Chairman Tim Scott would advance it by September’s end. But lo! The deadline was missed, thanks to the eternal war between crypto and banking lobbies-two sides of the same ledger, perhaps. The clash centers on stablecoin interest and the bill’s approach to DeFi, a term that sounds like a new kind of finance but is probably just a fancy name for gambling. 🎲

A group of crypto-friendly Democrats proposed amendments to the bill, which Republicans and the crypto industry summarily rejected. These Democrats wish to ban stablecoin issuers from paying interest, directly or through “affiliated” entities. One imagines the affiliated entities are just bankers in disguise, sipping coffee and muttering about “regulatory clarity.” ☕

Chairman Scott, ever the diplomat, seems to prioritize Democrats’ concerns over Republicans’. His spokesperson, Jeff Naft, noted the markup has been postponed to give Democrats more time to “engage” with the text. Engage, indeed! Perhaps they’ll read it aloud to a parrot for good luck. 🦜

Lawmakers, when asked when the committee might agree on a markup date, replied with the eloquence of a clockwork mouse: “When we can agree on a date for a markup.” A reply so profound it could be etched into the Senate’s walls. Adding to the chaos is the looming partial government shutdown, a threat that makes the crypto bill’s fate seem as certain as a squirrel’s retirement plan. 🐿️

Over 320,000 Letters Sent To Senate Offices

Crypto advocates, undeterred, push for swift action. Mason Lynaugh of Stand with Crypto declares, “The Senate must act quickly and deliberately to pass market structure legislation.” A call to arms worthy of a pirate king, though one suspects “deliberately” means “after three committee meetings and a coffee break.” 🏴☠️

The group boasts sending over 320,000 letters from 160,000 participants to Senate offices, urging lawmakers to reject the banking industry’s “anti-consumer initiative” to eliminate stablecoin rewards. One wonders if the letters include coupons for crypto-themed fidget spinners. 🌀

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2025-10-22 16:00