In the grand theater of human folly-where nations rise and fall on the whims of paper money and the hubris of central bankers-the Philippines has now cast its lot with the spectral promises of Bitcoin. Young Congressman Miguel Luis Villafuerte, barely seasoned by lifeâs hardships at 36 years, has thrust forward the Strategic Bitcoin Reserve Act, demanding the acquisition of 10,000 BTC over five years.
Should this madness take root, the Philippines would join the select few nations hoarding digital phantoms alongside gold and foreign reserves-a decision, no doubt, that future generations will either hail as genius or lament as tragic delusion.
đ° The Billâs Fine Print: Hope, Hubris, and a 20-Year Prison Term
House Bill No. 421, lodged into the bureaucratic machinery on August 22, 2025, compels the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (BSP) to purchase 2,000 BTC each year-blindfolded, one assumes, for no rational banker would do this sober.
Like a miser locking his chest until death, the law demands the coins remain untouched for 20 years-lest the nation be tempted to sell at the first sign of catastrophe, or, worse, profit. Should desperation strike, the state may-with trembling hands-exchange no more than 10% of its digital trove to settle debts so vast they could drown a small island nation.
Villafuerte, in a fit of visionary zeal (or perhaps distracted by a passing YouTube influencer), declared Bitcoin “a modern strategic asset, comparable to digital gold,” and warned that if the Philippines did not act, other nations would surely hoard it all-leaving Filipinos to weep into their depreciating pesos.
A Strategic Bitcoin Reserve Bill has been filed by Rep. Miguel Villafuerte in the House of Representatives. The Bill seeks to purchase 10,000 BTC over a 5-year period.
– Dicki Devesa (@57twl57) August 22, 2025
As of November 2024, the Philippines groaned under â±16.09 trillion ($285 billion) in debt-68% of it owed to its own citizens, who presumably trusted the government to not gamble their savings on cryptographic speculation. Yet the billâs proponents insisted this was prudence, not recklessness, for in this age of global uncertainties, why rely on mere gold and dollars when one could trust⊠lines of code?
“The country must stockpile strategic assets such as Bitcoin to safeguard our national interest,” the bill declared-a statement that would have sent Alexander Hamilton into paroxysms of rage.
đ Cold Storage Vaults and Bureaucratic Ceremonies
The BTC, we are told, will be zealously locked away in frigid digital vaults-ironically, the same places where politicians usually hide stolen pesos. Access shall be granted only to an elite cabal: the BSP governor, flanked by the Departments of Finance and Defense (because what is Bitcoin without armed guards?), and the Securities and Exchange Commission (presumably to ensure no one sneaks a BTC home for their dog).
To soothe the trembling masses, the bill promises quarterly audits-conducted by independent third parties, naturally, from the same untouchable circles that audit banks. Their findings? Published online for all to see-assuming, of course, the internet hasnât been throttled by the next government.
The legislation reassures citizens that they, too, may dance on this tightrope: “Private citizens and businesses remain free to lose their fortunes in Bitcoin”-though whether this was intended as liberty or a warning remains unclear.
đ The Great Bitcoin Stampede: Whoâs Hoarding What?
The world, it seems, has caught Bitcoin fever-though whether this is a plague or a miracle remains to be seen. Eleven governments (and counting) have pooled together 480,196 BTC, worth roughly $56 billion-enough to buy several small islands or bail out one midsize bank collapse. Among them: North Korea (13,562 BTC, presumably stolen), Bhutan (10,769 BTC-meditating monks must be persuaders), and El Salvador (6,268 BTC-still pretending its citizens use Bitcoin for groceries).
The Philippinesâ proposed 10,000 BTC reserve, at todayâs laughable price of $116,850 per coin, would vault them ahead of El Salvador-a tragic victory, given Salvadorans mostly abandoned Bitcoin like stale pupusas.
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2025-08-23 10:12