Despite racking up a hefty $45,000 in server costs (oh, the audacity!), the ambitious yet terribly inefficient culprit pocketed a grand total of… wait for it… less than $6,000. Oh, the joys of economic desperation – when you want to steal but are tragically terrible at it.
Ethena (ENA) has mounted a splendid soap opera come-from-behind, following its ignominious plunge earlier this month. On October 10, the token nosedived to $0.14, unleashing a cascade of liquidations across the grand exchanges, as if the financiers couldn’t bear the suspense. But oh, the irony: institutional investors, those pompous knights in shining armor 🤡, swiftly descended, hoisting the token nearly 200% from its depths.
This is a big win for both Lido and Chainlink-think of it as the coolest party where all the tech superheroes hang out, high-fiving over seamless cross-chain staking. No more jumping between chains like a caffeinated kangaroo, folks. 🤸♂️
Cryptocurrency exchange Kraken, that elusive cephalopod of the digital realm, is reportedly whisking its staff to a sun-drenched Caribbean isle in January-a lavish team-building exercise timed perfectly with its U.S. listing ambitions. Sources insist this is purely professional development, not an excuse to avoid answering questions about their Q3 layoffs. 🐙
Today, the grand illusion of stability crumbled, the Fear and Greed Index descending into the abyss of fear-a number so ominous, one might think it was a typo, yet it’s deadly real at 29. The market’s pulse: irregular, battered, and profoundly ticked off-like a madman clutching at straws in the storm.
RSI lounging at 56 and inching towards a DMI crossover-fingers crossed for a cheeky retest of $2.50 if the momentum doesn’t fizzle out like a dud firework. 😏
Ahoy, crypto scallywags! Kraken, the tentacled titan of the digital seas, has been hoarding doubloons like there’s no tomorrow. 🦑💰 In the third quarter, the crypto exchange (legally known as Payward Inc., but who’s keeping track? 🤷♂️) hauled in $648 million in revenue-a 114% jump from last year. That’s more than a dwarf’s beer tab at the Mended Drum! 🍻
Picture the market, nervously bobbing along, waiting for the September Consumer Price Index (CPI), which has the unfortunate honor of being the only kid left in the sandbox during a government shutdown. All the big agencies-Bureau of Labor Statistics, the Bureau of Economic Analysis, the Census Bureau-are on a temporary vacation. The CPI on Oct. 24 is basically the market’s Amazon Prime Day for economic data, except instead of deals, it’s all about inflation. Oh, the thrill. 🥱
The price of Solana (SOL) has plummeted by a mere 3% since yesterday-proof that even the most ardent supporters of digital gold are beginning to question their life choices. 📉
On this wretched Wednesday, crypto’s children were soundly thrashed, with bitcoin miners-those clever chaps now posing as AI sages-enduring the harshest blows, as if in a Chekhovian farce where dreams crumble without the courtesy of a stage curtain. 🙄