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That’s right, folks-Ant Group, which is basically Alibaba’s fintech powerhouse, just filed trademarks for virtual assets and stablecoins this year. What does this mean? Well, it’s clearly a sign that they’ve got big plans for a Web3 business expansion. The buzzword this week? ANTCOIN! Yes, you heard that right, they’re going all in with this one. And of course, this fits in perfectly with Hong Kong’s dream of becoming the digital asset hub of Asia. Can’t say it’s not ambitious, especially considering Beijing’s recent regulatory red tape.

In more good news-because who doesn’t love good news?-this integration delivers data so quick you’ll think it’s teleporting straight to your trade desk, with institutional-level accuracy and all (liquidity-weighted bid-ask spreads-fancy words, right?). Traders get faster, more reliable bets, slippage becomes just a myth, and liquidity providers get to sleep easy knowing their risk is based on actual, verified data. Pretty neat, huh?

Global tax hawks (FATF, OECD’s CARF) are teaming up to track your coins across borders, even if you think Monero is your invisibility cloak. 🌍🔍

And now Solana, that bustling marketplace of speed and efficiency, has welcomed ZEC with open arms – or rather, with a “wrapped” ZEC. They call it progress. I call it a betrayal! For these wrapped tokens, though backed by the real Zcash, are as transparent as a politician’s promise. They offer no concealment whatsoever. A sad state of affairs, truly. It’s a Zcash in name only, a ghostly imitation, haunting the Solana blockchain.

Imagine the scene: Bitcoin, having seen its value dance up to around $115,000 over the weekend, has graced us with a sentiment score that’s only 11 points above Saturday’s 40. That’s right, the market’s mood has done a splendid somersault – a dramatic 20+ point jump since last week, making everyone’s head spin faster than a dervish on a caffeine kick. 🌪️

Now, amidst this rebound, the big fish-that is, the so-called crypto “whales”-are diving in with their financial snorkels and binoculars, shoving their shiny coins around like a game of Monopoly on Jupiter. These fat cats are flipping millions between spot trades and positional antics across Bitcoin, Ethereum, and a mishmash of altcoins, showing a kind of optimism that would put a comedian’s confidence to shame.

They speak of “breakouts” and “volume jumps” – nonsense, all of it. It’s just a scramble for scraps, a frantic dash to be the last one holding the paper when the music stops. From $111,453 to $113,572 it went, inflated by the usual manufactured frenzy. A 318% jump in volume? Probably just a few large pockets pushing it around like a toy.

Kamran Asghar, that sly fox of the market, scribbles on X: “Ethereum’s walkin’ in Bitcoin’s boots. If the pattern holds, we’ll see $7K-$8K by December! Who’s ready for the ride?” The crowd cheers, though the wind may shift. 🐐

For you see, these layer-2 edifices loom large with attack vectors as numerous as the fleas in a Siberian winter, and their code bases? Mountains of script so immense that no auditor, however diligent, can burrow through them all without emerging poisoned by bugs unseen. Aye, and user funds? They dance like marionettes on multisig strings, yanked away without a whisper of consent from their rightful holders. “The claim that these L2s inherit the security of ETH,” Yakovenko intoned with the iron of gulag truth, “is as erroneous as proclaiming the camp chow nourishing.” He argued thus: 

Stellar Lumens (XLM), the plucky little token that could, has been causing quite the stir among the chaps and chapesses of the crypto world. Recent technical forecasts, penned by those eggheads with their charts and whatnot, have pinpointed a rather strategic purchase zone at $0.30. 🧐📈