This is a technical analysis post by CoinDesk analyst and Chartered Market Technician Omkar Godbole. How comforting to know our fate is dictated by a man with a spreadsheet and a PhD in despair. 📊😢
According to Saylor, Bitcoin’s journey from speculation to legitimacy began with the approval of U.S. Bitcoin ETFs-a spectacle akin to Wall Street adopting a stray cat and suddenly calling it a “luxury accessory.” Pension funds, corporations, and asset managers now treat it as a reserve-grade store of value. But the real transformation, he insisted, is as subtle as a rhinestone in a landfill.
Lower rates and the cessation of QT might unleash a deluge of liquidity, a boon for risky whims like Bitcoin, as history-oh, that sly jokester-has shown.
“I think these 12 months have probably been the best 12 months in the history of the industry,” Saylor said, as if the industry isn’t just a bunch of people trying to make money while pretending they’re not. 🤷♂️ CNBC, ever the reliable source of truth, reported this. 📺
In a week that could have been plucked from the diary of a disillusioned poet, the great DOGE whales, those self-proclaimed arbiters of sagacity, offloaded a staggering 500 million coins. The air crackled with the scent of panic, or perhaps just the lingering perfume of ill-advised optimism. Ali Martinez, the oracle of on-chain data, noted via X that wallets brimming with 10-100 million DOGE had shed their burdens like autumn leaves-drastic, dramatic, and slightly theatrical.
Bitcoin and altcoins are doing the happy dance, but let’s not get carried away. Low interest rates = more liquidity, which = crypto getting its moment. Parabolic rally? More like a “wait, is this real?” moment. 🚀🤔
After weeks of dithering about like a lost tourist in Ankh-Morpork, SOL’s finally got its act together. Optimism’s in the air, thicker than a troll’s club.
Lo, the asset managers, those modern-day alchemists, have updated their filings, bestowing upon XRP the sacred names of GXRP and XRPZ. A ritual as old as time itself, yet cloaked in the garb of regulatory solemnity. And lo, Ripple, that titan of commerce, hath acquired GTreasury for a sum of one billion dollars, as if to say, “Behold, the corporate treasury market shall bow before us!” 🏦👑
Cardano’s native token, ADA, fell sharply Wednesday, dropping over 3% to 64 cents as it broke through a critical support level and confirmed a shift in market sentiment, CoinDesk Analytics data found. 📉 (Because nothing says “confidence” like a 3% drop.)
Hoskinson, not known for his subtlety, took to X (formerly Twitter, because who needs consistency?) to make it abundantly clear that Schiff’s Bitcoin price predictions are as accurate as a weather forecast made by a blindfolded octopus. According to Hoskinson, Schiff’s “I-know-where-Bitcoin-will-be-next” guesses are getting… well, let’s say they are getting embarrassingly wrong.
