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Key Takeaways:

Key Takeaways (Because Who Has Time to Read the Whole Thing?):

In the 4-hour tableau, our dear $BTC appears to balk at the $71,700 threshold, as though it were a bureaucrat demanding yet another bribe. Briefly, on Tuesday, it dared to breach this barrier, only to be slapped back with a candlestick’s wick reaching $72,800-a rejection as swift and merciless as a landlady evicting an overdue tenant. Now, it skulks below the resistance, its fate as uncertain as a nose in a Gogol novella.

According to crypto.news, Ethereum (ETH) price rose like a boss to $2,257 on Wednesday, thanks to a market rebound that makes the Great British Bake Off look like amateur hour. The U.S. and Iran decided to hit pause on their war for two weeks, and suddenly the Strait of Hormuz is open for business. Crude oil prices dropped below $100, which is great news for everyone except my friend who’s still trying to launch a “luxury gas station” startup.

Last week, a trader known as “Loracle” made a bet that the price of crude oil would fall by shorting $5 million worth of oil futures on Hyperliquid. When the price of oil dropped more than 15% to below $100 a barrel on Wednesday, Loracle closed out the trade, earning a profit of $2 million, according to Arkham Intelligence.

It’s almost as if they’ve decided, “Hey, maybe chasing crypto companies wasn’t the most brilliant idea after all.” This marks the latest signal of the SEC’s dramatic about-face under Chairman Paul Atkins, who took the reins in April 2025, apparently in an attempt to undo the past three years of regulatory theater.

To put it bluntly, this represents a loss of about 7 EH/s in a single quarter and constitutes the most dramatic regional collapse since China’s 2021 mining ban-an event which, like a cruel magician, vanished most of the nation’s mining power overnight.

In his shareholder letter-because of course, he wrote a letter-Dimon goes all-in on how blockchain infrastructure, stablecoins, and tokenization are some sort of existential threat. These things, he says, are now “core competitive priorities” for JPMorgan, so they have to fight back aggressively. Like it’s a war or something. But don’t worry, they’ll keep their “dominance”-whatever that means-intact.

Coinbase plans to first offer crypto and equity perpetuals in Australia after receiving its financial services license, with plans to add futures, options, and other standard financial products later on, according to John O’Loghlen, Coinbase’s regional managing director for APAC.

The Delhi court on Tuesday decided Ayush Varshney, IIT Kanpur alum and crypto whiz, could breathe fresh Delhi air again. Why? Apparently, there’s zero proof he directly touched investor funds. Touché.