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In this age of digital intrigue, a most extraordinary investigation hath come to light, revealing a global deception that would put the most elaborate ballroom charades to shame. According to the indefatigable ZachXBT, a blockchain sleuth of no small repute, a network with ties to North Korea hath been amassing a fortune of approximately one million pounds each month. The method? A most cunning use of spurious job postings and crypto payments, leaving the unsuspecting world quite taken in.

Quick Hits:

Eric Balchunas, a sage among ETF analysts, did not pull out his magic wand to foresee BlackRock slashing fees. No, he cited IBIT’s liquidity fortress and market monarchy-where one does not simply dethrone a king without a really, really good plan (or perhaps a dragon).

This solution helps protect up to 6.9 million Bitcoin from potential threats and demonstrates a forward-thinking approach to making Bitcoin secure against future quantum computing advancements.

There is a chorus among the more inquisitive circles of the crypto society that Tehran’s toll demands, if such tolls there be, may lack the substance one would expect to accompany such bold assertions on the ledger of the world.

After a long and weary winter, the bitcoin market awakens, investors trembling with anticipation for a rally to $80,000.

The saga continues, much like a never-ending soap opera but with fewer love triangles and more malware. Following the totally not suspicious $285 million Drift Protocol heist on April 1st (no, it wasn’t a joke), UNC4736-North Korea’s favorite state-sponsored hacking group-has been outed as the culprit. But wait, there’s more! Taylor Monahan, a security researcher, claims North Korean IT workers have been freelancing in over 40 DeFi projects for the past seven years. Because, you know, who needs a day job when you can just hack your way to riches?

In a CNBC appearance, Lee, with a flourish of his rhetorical quill, declared that the Iran ceasefire has planted the flag at the bottom of the stock market. A break above the S&P 500’s 200-day moving average, he insists, shall unleash a “decisive move higher.” How dramatically precise!

However, recent trading activity suggests that bitcoin isn’t currently having a significant impact on the overall market.

So, Bessent’s in a bit of a panic, saying, “We must act now before it’s too late.” Spoiler: it’s already getting pretty late, and we’ve been waiting over 260 days for the Senate to do something useful.