Enter CryptoOnchain, the crypto analyst who sees dips stopping like a stubborn mule refusing to budge further downhill. Citing some fancy CryptoQuant data on Wednesday, he boldly declares that Bitcoin’s dramatic drops might be taking a vacation. Hooray for optimism! 🎉
After the splendid and predictable collapse of those ostentatious custodial houses-FTX, Celsius, and others of their ilk-the fashionable set has developed a sudden, profound interest in ‘self-custody’. A reaction, no doubt, to finding their funds had absconded to the Riviera with someone else. The old method of scribbling twelve random words on a napkin, a practice as fragile as a country landlord’s finances, is now deemed insufficiently modern.
Yet, as the sun blazes too brightly, so too does the market’s fever. The on-chain whispers of a soul already weary, a market teetering on the precipice of its own excess, where the specter of a pullback looms like a shadow over the revelry. ⚠️
-Howard Lutnick, White House Cabinet Meeting (Scene 3, Act V)
Following its recent merger with Nakamoto Holdings, KindlyMD decided to dabble in Bitcoin, a move as wise as a squirrel building a nut cache in a hurricane. 🐿️ The company’s plan? Sell $5 billion in stock to fund its crypto obsession, because nothing says “financial stability” like betting the farm on digital gold. 🏦
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The dynamic duo-Potapenko and Turõgin-spent a blissful 16 months in custody in their home country, Estonia, after their surprise arrest in October 2022. Fast forward to May 2024, and voilà, they’re in the US, pleading guilty to conspiracy to commit wire fraud. Everyone’s favorite kind of fraud, right? 😏
SharpLink Gaming seems determined to turn its treasury into an Ethereum-themed art installation. Despite the market behaving like a rollercoaster designed by a madman, the company proudly announced yet another ETH purchase. This marks their fourth consecutive weekly binge on the digital asset. Joseph Chalom, Co-Chief Executive Officer, offered some flowery words about the matter:
According to Kendrick, Ethereum treasury companies have slurped up 2.6% of the world’s ETH like it was grandma’s homemade gravy, all in three months. Spot ETFs apparently saw that and tried to one-up them, gobbling 2.3%, because nothing says FOMO like Wall Street buying digital tokens it can’t actually pronounce. BitMine Immersion is taking things very literally and wants 5% of Ethereum, probably to build a pixelated Scrooge McDuck swimming pool.
Nate Geraci, who heads up NovaDius Wealth Management – apparently a place where wealth is managed by wild optimism and Excel spreadsheets – has beamed about XRP futures crossing $1 billion in open interest on the CME faster than toast pops out of a quantum toaster. With another $800 million lounging in futures-based XRP ETFs, Geraci suspects that, if spot funds were unleashed, demand might resemble the Black Friday queue outside a shop that sells gold-plated unicorns.
