Imagine this: a “Japanese” candidate who can’t speak Japanese. A “remote job” that’s more remote than a hermit crab in a snowstorm. Heiner García, our blockchain Sherlock, exposed this farce by setting up a dummy crypto company. The operative? A master of evasion, vanishing faster than a socialist’s promise. 🕳️✨
Once upon a recent October, Bitcoin was king of the hill, hitting an all-time high of $126,000-impressive enough to make even the most hardened hodler do a double take. Now, it’s decided to take a dive-down a hefty 20% to be exact-showing that the crypto markets are as unpredictable as a squirrel on espresso. Rumors of more decline swirl around, probably in the style of a particularly gloomy weather forecast.
For a thrilling three seconds, BTC touched $99,008 – a mere technicality, really – before staggering back to the $102K comfort zone. But what’s a little volatility between friends, darling? The market took one look at macroeconomic tightening and investor jitters, gave a theatrical sigh, and said, “Right, off to the gallows we go.” 🎭
At Ripple Swell, the wise wizards of crypto declared 2025 the “year of payments”-because who needs volatile rollercoasters when you can have stable cross-border transfers? 🌉 Stablecoins, interoperability, and blockchain payments so simple even a troll could use them! Experts say crypto’s finally growing up-less moonboy, more utility. 🚀
This drama isn’t new. Last year’s U.S. election saw similar accusations, with French traders allegedly inflating Trump’s odds, rendering the market a chaotic Siren singing to the desperate gamblers. Some experts, however, assured everyone it’s just a game of arbitrage-like trying to win change from a fountain: eventual, if a bit noisy. 🎲
Willy Woo, that prophet of the blockchain, proclaimed upon the digital crossroads (known to mortals as X): “Liquidation? Nay, I perceive it not!” One might imagine him, quill in hand, scrawling these words upon parchment stained with the tears of bears. The debt, he argues, is but a paper tiger-a menagerie of convertible senior notes that Strategy may tame by offering either cash, stock, or a devil’s brew of both. A financial sleight of hand, perhaps, but one that would make even Raskolnikov raise an eyebrow. 🎩
The Associated Press, that trusty herald of the news, declared Mamdani the victor on Wednesday. He trounced the likes of former Governor Andrew Cuomo (running as an independent, no less!) and Republican Curtis Silwa. Mamdani’s campaign, you see, was all about the bread-and-butter issues-rent, childcare, and the like. His solution? Tax the top 1% until they squeal like stuck pigs. 🐷
So, Trump pardons CZ, the crypto kingpin, and suddenly the US is the “cool kid” in the blockchain playground. 🏫✨ But here’s the kicker: Trump claimed he didn’t even know who CZ was a week ago. Now he’s his biggest fan? Sure, Jan. 🤔 Meanwhile, the White House is like, “Biden’s crypto war? Over. We’re the blockchain BFFs now.” 🫂
Yet, let us not forget the giants of this realm: Tether’s USDT, with its $183 billion, and Circle’s USDC, at $76 billion. Compared to these behemoths, RLUSD is but a flea on the back of a financial elephant. Still, its rapid ascent suggests that Ripple has somehow convinced the world to take this seriously. The circulating supply is split between Ethereum ($819 million) and the XRP Ledger ($203 million), as if the universe demanded such complexity. 🌌🤦♂️
The next support levels for Dogecoin are at $0.15 and $0.13, but traders should be prepared for a deeper correction if BTC loses the psychological $100k level. A descent into the abyss, where even the bravest bulls tremble. 🌌💸
