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On Monday, the Senate-those grand architects of compromise-approved a funding package, inching closer to ending the shutdown. “Hours, not days,” crooned Senate Majority Leader John Thune, his optimism as hollow as a politician’s apology. Yet, the Bitcoin ETFs yawned, their inflows a meager $1.2 million, according to Farside Investors. A pittance! A drop in the ocean of greed! 🌊💰

Bitcoin, that stubborn mule, tried to gallop past $107,000 but tripped over its own hooves-local traders are muttering about the folly.

Ah, the $BTC price. It’s in the middle of a “corrective impulse,” which, let’s be honest, sounds like a term invented by someone who couldn’t think of anything less exciting. Ahem, moving on. It’s been inching along sideways, like a tired train refusing to leave the station. If the bulls can somehow muster the strength to keep up their, erm, “effort,” we might eventually see an upward shift, which-if all goes well-could result in a slightly higher high.

In the briefest of time frames-42 minutes to be exact-half a million dollars shuffled through Bitget, and now investigators are wondering whether this moment exposed one of the country’s most audacious memecoin frauds. Can you smell the scandal brewing?

The Central Bank of Brazil, in a move as sudden as a surprise party, has finalized regulations that would make even the most seasoned stockbroker blush with embarrassment, ensuring that virtual asset service providers (VASPs) and stablecoin transactions are now as tightly controlled as a mischievous terrier on a leash.

Oh, the noble Bitcoin, now hovering near the sumptuous $105,300, though it has taken a slight dip of 0.8% in the past day, and a more significant 5% this month. Yet, this week appears surprisingly stable. After a brief descent to the humble $100,000, Bitcoin has managed to bounce back, even as the sell pressure escalates with the vigor of a thousand knights! 🧙‍♂️💸

Until recently, these funds were limited to just sitting on their digital piles. No staking, no participating in the complex rituals designed to secure the blockchain – essentially, they were just spectators at the digital rodeo. Now, thanks to Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent’s pronouncements (and no doubt a lot of lobbying), they can actually do something with it. A legal framework, can you believe it? It’s like they just invented indoor plumbing for digital assets.

On Monday, the Bank of England released a new consultation paper, which is about as exciting as a teakettle whistle. The framework, built on feedback from November 2023, aims to modernize UK retail payments with the enthusiasm of a man trying to herd cats. 🐱

Now, I reckon I’ve seen a thing or two in my time, but this Bitcoin business takes the cake. It seems that when Bitcoin poked its nose above $105,000, a whole passel of traders who were bettin’ against it found themselves in a rather…uncomfortable position. They got “liquidated,” which is just a fancy way of sayin’ their funds went bye-bye. Among ’em was a Mr. James Wynn, a fella who appears to enjoy temptin’ fate with a generous hand.