On July 26, she shuffled her Bitcoin stash into her cold wallet from the OKX exchange, bit by bit. But lo and behold, two days later, her balance was as empty as a politician’s promise. 🕳️ After a quick gander at the wallet’s history, she found her precious BTC had been whisked away to parts unknown by some scoundrel with a knack for mischief. 🚀💸
With July wrapping up, Ethereum [ETH] has clocked in over 50% returns, marking its biggest monthly move since 2022. 🏃♂️
Massive Token Unlock Adds Pressure
This bit of wisdom is from last week’s edition of the Week in Review newsletter. Think of it as your weekly dose of crypto gossip—subscribe, and you’ll get these hot takes before anyone else even has time to screenshot them. 😉
Behold, dear reader, the tale of Ethereum’s Exchange Reserve—a metric so sacred it could rival the Ark of the Covenant. As our intrepid analyst, Ali Martinez (a clairvoyant of the crypto realm), hath revealed: this reserve tracks the ETH hoarded in centralized exchanges, where greedy hands await their moment to strike. 🎭
Let’s face it, AI is the cool kid at the party, and Web 3.0 is… well, the one still trying to figure out how to work the punch bowl. 🥊 The AI industry has scooped up market share faster than you can say “decentralization,” leaving crypto in the dust like last season’s meme coin. 🌪️
Oh, what a wretched dance of numbers! 🧟♂️ Bitcoin’s market momentum ascends, yet the Stablecoin Supply Ratio (SSR) climbs like a specter of despair, its multi-month highs a cruel jest. 🌀 The purchasing power of stablecoins, once a beacon, now whispers of dwindling reserves. 💸
On July 28, 2025, Tron Inc. filed a Form S-3 with the Securities and Exchange Commission. You know, just another day at the office, right? This little document gives them the green light to sell various securities whenever the mood strikes. Common stock, preferred stock, debt securities, warrants, and rights—all fair game. 🎟️💸
So, Metaplanet—yes, the Tokyo-listed company that’s been making headlines faster than you can say “blockchain”—has gone and bought another 780 Bitcoin. That’s $92.5 million worth of BTC, folks, at an average price of $118,622 per coin. Add that to their existing hoard, and now they’re sitting on over 17,132 BTC, worth around $2 billion. You’d think they’d take a break, but nope. They’re out here like a kid in a candy store, except the candy is Bitcoin and the store is the global economy. 🍬💰
South Korea’s parliament is now a circus of competing stablecoin bills, Interactive Brokers is moonlighting as a crypto wizard, China’s money supply is bloating like a gluttonous dragon, and PayPal’s latest stunt might just make your traditional banks weep into their coffee cups. ☕️😭
