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(how thrilling),

The past few months have, in essence, sketched a descending triangle upon the digital canvas, a shape that evokes feelings of… inevitability. Lower highs, you see, converging upon a horizontal support at $0.35. Twice tested, poor thing. A third approach, one fears, might prove fatal. Like a moth to a particularly unglamorous flame.

July of twenty-twenty-five, a month one might have hoped for a quiet respite from the vulgarities of the modern age, proved instead to be positively riddled with pilfering. No fewer than seventeen significant “hacks” – one prefers “brazen thefts,” naturally – relieved investors of some $142 million. A marked increase of 27.2% over the previous month’s meagre $111.6 million. It seems the villains are becoming rather efficient at their unpleasant work.

It’s a tale of two coins, one screaming “I’m out!” and the other whispering “I’m in!” The market, that fickle feline, is now playing favorites. How delightfully dramatic!

So, here are the big players—banks, nations, corporations—all scrambling like it’s Black Friday to get their slice of this digital pie. Nomy Research’s got the lowdown on the chaos—uh, the race—to lead the next-gen stablecoin showdown.

Behold, the mighty Grant Cardone, a titan of real estate, now donning the cloak of a crypto alchemist! 🧙‍♂️💰 With a flourish of his pen (or perhaps a click of his mouse), he has plunked down a cool $110 million on 1,000 Bitcoin, as if the market’s dip were but a mere hiccup in the … Read more

According to PeckShield (the wizards of blockchain security), this is a 27% jump from June’s $111 million. But hey, at least it’s a 46% drop from last year’s July, when hackers swiped $266 million. Progress? Or just a slow month for the digital ne’er-do-wells? 🤔

According to the Yonhap News Agency, the Financial Services Commission and its trusty sidekick, the Financial Supervisory Service, have formed a task force that’s less “team-building retreat” and more “survival of the fittest.” Their mission? To corral the chaos of crypto lending before it swallows another generation of hopefuls. 🚨

According to the wise oracle—CryptoQuant analyst João Wedson—this spectacle is no coincidence. It’s like clockwork, a ballet choreographed by the universe itself. Major financial hubs—London, Wall Street, and Asia—align their best moves, creating a perfect storm of liquidity. Folks are rebalancing, arbitrageurs are dancing, and billions change hands with the grace of a swan. Then, as the clock strikes past 7 PM UTC, everything quiets down—markets close, dreams fade, and the crypto whales vanish faster than a magician’s rabbit.

Bloomberg Intelligence’s Eric Balchunas, with the subtlety of a foghorn, amplified the news on X: “It’s a new day at the SEC…” His post, a masterclass in understatement, highlighted the SEC’s sudden pivot allowing authorized participants (APs) to deliver or receive bitcoin or ether directly. No more routing cash through issuers like a Victorian postman dodging puddles. One might almost call it progress—assuming one still believes in such quaint notions.