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Viewed in the weekly light (which, let’s be honest, flickers like a Soviet lamp), XRP’s collapse beneath $3 feels less like a surprise and more like the universe muttering, “Did you really expect better?” With a single candle’s red glare as its testimony, bearish divergence hovers above the chart—if you looked any closer, you’d smell the borscht of inevitability. More downside? Sideways tedium? Either way, those dreaming of riches are left to ponder the virtues of patience… or resignation. 🤷‍♂️

Tradition, Atkins argued, is like last year’s winter coat: worn, dusty, inherited from one’s grandfather, and deeply incompatible with blockchain. “We will not do what we always did,” howled Atkins, waving a copy of securities law circa 1933, which promptly disintegrated into dust. America, he insisted, would by sheer force of will become lord and proprietor of distributed ledgers—whether the rest of the world was ready or not, or whether anyone asked for it in the first place. 🇺🇸✨

Bilal Bin Saqib—Pakistan’s Minister of State for *cough* “Crypto and Blockchain”—had a nice little Zoom chat with Kyrgyzstan’s Farkhat Aminov. They agreed to:

On the most illustrious social media platform, X (formerly known as Twitter, which seems to be a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma), U.S. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent confidently declared on August 1 that America has joyfully leaped into a transformative period for blockchain innovation. He described this epoch as a pivotal era for digital assets, as if they were the star of a particularly dull play. 🎭

This Trust, with the unassuming name “Story,” offers the wealthy few—those who can afford such gambles—access to a blockchain for intellectual property. Yes, you heard right, intellectual property, that thing most of us ignore until it suddenly becomes valuable. The project launched in February, aiming—like a hopeful suitor—to bring order to the chaos of rights and royalties, where creators can upload their treasures, set their rules, and maybe—perhaps—make a penny or two.

From $10.30 to $48.50, Hyperliquid pirouetted through the dreams of investors, only to falter now like a prima donna mid-act. The price, once a tempest, now drizzles, retreating beneath its former bastion of support. Benaiah, that oracle of charts, sighs, “HYPE doesn’t look good”—a verdict as poetic as it is damning. If $35-$38 crumbles, the market may descend into a Darwinian free-for-all, where only the fittest bids survive. 💸

Joao Wedson, that crypto oracle in a tweed coat, declared on X that the long-term holders (LTHs), those noble scribes of Bitcoin’s ledger, have begun their slow dance toward the exit. “Aged coins stir,” he intoned, “as if roused from a century of slumber by the scent of profit and the distant echo of ETFs.” Yet, with 50% of ETF-held Bitcoin already sold, Wedson, ever the optimist, insists the bull market will persist “for at least two more months”—a promise as certain as Tolstoy’s belief in the redemption of man.

The economic calendar is looking like a particularly exciting episode of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” The Consumer Price Index (CPI) report on August 12 will reveal whether inflation is cooling down or if those pesky tariffs are turning the economy into a hot pot of chaos. Two weeks later, the Producer Price Index (PPI) on August 14 will give us yet another peek under the economic hood.

On the fateful day of July 31, a brave soul from CurveDAO decided to throw caution to the wind and submit a proposal. This proposal, which could be mistaken for a particularly dry tome on the history of paint drying, argued that Curve’s Layer 2 escapades are about as profitable as a chocolate teapot. Apparently, they generate little revenue and divert resources from far more exciting ventures, like the shiny new crvUSD stablecoin. Layer 2 networks, you see, are supposed to be the knights in shining armor, improving Ethereum’s scalability and becoming the talk of the town. But alas, it seems they’ve turned out to be more like the court jesters. 🤡

Martinez employs the mystical CBD (cost basis distribution) model—think of it as on-chain astrology—that reveals where the treasure chests of ENA are buried at various price levels. According to this oracular system, support zones are emerging around $0.47 and $0.44, where the tokens have amassed into sizable hoards, akin to dragons guarding their gold. Should the market mood sour and push ENA beneath this protective layer, brace yourselves for the $0.35 zone, a veritable redoubt held by a $1 billion ENA supply cluster, as indicated by the deepest red on the chart—probably the financial equivalent of a bunker in wartime.