In his latest chat with Bloomberg Television, Gundlach spills the tea: the Fed’s rate decisions are based on data that’s more estimated than my tax returns. 📈💨 The Consumer Price Index (CPI)? Suspect. Jobs reports? Basically fan fiction. 📉📝
The official Dune dashboard (because what isn’t on Dune these days?) reports these figures, and one can only marvel at the audacity of the 25,000+ “holders”-a community so eager that they must be crowding into digital ownership like shoppers at a Black Friday sale. Leading the charge is the Tesla-inspired TSLAx, held by a staggering 11,001 users-probably convinced that Elon Musk is personally endorsing this digital version of his car. Then come SPYx with 9,416 aficionados and NVDAx claiming 7,733 fans, all clutching their tokens like prized possessions-because what’s more exciting than owning a fraction of a stock on the blockchain? 😉
Buckle up! This makes Laser Digital the first legal shop in Dubai where you can try your luck playing with crypto options on big-league tokens. You heard it: you can now lose your money like a professional with the full blessing of regulators. Mazel tov! 🥂
Thanks to CoinGlass, we now know that Dogecoin’s hourly liquidation heat map is looking more like a nuclear fallout zone. Futures short position traders are seeing a 25,341% liquidation imbalance against their long-suffering counterparts. Yes, you read that right-25,341%! 🤯
In an announcement that made the London Stock Exchange feel like it had accidentally wandered into a crypto conference, The Smarter Web Company revealed it had launched this curious financial instrument. It managed to rake in 15.8 million British pounds ($21 million) in a fully subscribed round, backed by none other than the French asset management giant Tobam. Ah, the French-always ready to lend their sophistication to someone else’s bold experiment. 🇫🇷
XRP (XRP), once a darling of the markets, now trades at $2.94, a modest sum yet tinged with the bitterness of a 3.7% decline in the last 24 hours. Its all-time high of $3.65, achieved on July 18, feels like a distant memory, a fleeting moment of glory now faded into the annals of history. 📜🕊️ Though it retains a 29% gain over the past month, the short-term winds howl with warnings of a deeper correction.
These early-stage crypto projects, like moths to a flame, lure the desperate and the daring with promises of profits beyond the reach of mere Bitcoin. But oh, the irony! For in this game of chance, the house always wins-or does it? We shall see.
Yet, as the dust settles, the fellas at Glassnode-who’ve been peering into the blockchain like old prospectors sifting gold-are sending word: don’t uncork the good whiskey just yet. They talk of “fragile structure,” which sounds fancy but really means things could go belly-up if so much as a cricket sneezes.
Here’s the lowdown on what they’re up to and why you should care (spoiler: there’s gold AND memes involved).
In a missive as dry as the Gobi Desert, yet no less formidable, the MSS has sounded the trumpet of caution. “Beware,” it intones, “the silver spheres that promise tokens in exchange for your gaze. For what is an iris but a portal to your soul? And what is a soul, when bartered, but a cipher in the ledger of the damned?”
