Crypto Patel, a man with a chart sharper than a pickpocket’s knife, claims BTC’s busted through a resistance level like a bull through a barn door. That $94K wall had been holdin’ it down like a noose for two months. Now it’s climbin’ like a greased pole, suggestin’ some folks are buyin’ with the vigor of a man who just won the lottery… and forgot his umbrella.
Bitdeer Technologies Group, a company that somehow manages to sound both futuristic and suspiciously like a typo, reported 71 EH/s under management by December’s end. This figure, if believed, would position them ahead of MARA Holdings Inc.-a feat akin to a toaster beating a supercomputer at chess. 🥣♟️
While BTC lounges in its gold-plated throne, the altcoins-those underdogs of the digital realm-prepare to capitalize on the chaos. A tale of two markets, one golden, one… well, not. 🌍
But let us not be fooled, dear readers. Despite this fiery surge, the amount of meme coins torched is as underwhelming as a state-issued ration. A mere 432,211 SHIB-less than half a million! 🥱 The last time we saw a burn of any substance was three days ago, when a whopping 2,943,898 SHIB coins were sent to the digital gulag. Ah, the revolution is slow, but it grinds on.
If this plan gets the green light (and let’s be real, who’s saying no to $80 million?), the Cardano x Draper Dragon Ecosystem Fund (aka the “DDC Fund”) will be the new hotness for six years. They’ll throw venture capital at early-stage teams and ecosystem growth programs, all while keeping us updated with a public dashboard and quarterly tea spills. 🗣️✨
As the crypto market breaks away from previous cycle-driven patterns, the firm identified three key developments it believes could set the stage for a broader market recovery in 2026. 🌟
This sharp recovery reflects renewed speculative interest and aggressive accumulation. However, rising profits among short-term holders now introduce fresh downside risk. 🧨
In a series of tweets-or should I say, épîtres-on X, RippleX proclaimed Permissioned Domains a “gamechanger,” a phrase so overused it’s practically a cliché, yet somehow still manages to tickle the fancy of the regulated firms yearning for on-chain settlement without the indignity of fully private infrastructure. How très chic! 🕶️
It seems that in the universe of institutional finance, self-custody is now considered as feasible as teaching cats to do calculus-an amusing thought, but hardly practical for those managing pension funds and bank reserves. Van Code assures us that Ripple has built the infrastructure, the mythical bridge so regulated, scalable, and trustworthy that even the most cautious bean counters can finally hold and use XRP without chaos. 🎩✨
Young Nic Puckrin – a chap who’s apparently counted digital beans for Coin Bureau – suggests this little bounce is merely investors rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. A reflexive spasm, he calls it, after last year’s rather unseemly sell-off. As if people are buying Bitcoin because they believe in it! Preposterous. It’s portfolio rebalancing, naturally. A sensible activity, akin to rearranging the dust motes in a sunbeam. 🙄
