In a recent tweet-yes, the modern-day oracle of truth-CoinMarketCap declared there exists no coin, no token, nor any semblance of monetary mirage ever woven by their illustrious hands. So, should your discerning eye catch a hint-perhaps an ad ever-so-prominent, glowing with hues of dubiousness-know this: it is but a siren’s call to the rocks of gullibility! 🧜♂️
The amount of people betting on big price swings (ETH options open interest) is now at $13.75 billion. Near the record. Which basically means a lot of people are preparing for…something. Volatility, probably. It’s always volatility. Like expecting a pleasant surprise from a vending machine. You *hope* for chocolate, but you’re mostly preparing for disappointment and a slightly bent packet of crisps.
But hold onto your digital wallets, because the celebration was short-lived. Just when everyone thought the coast was clear, the market got a case of the jitters-like that friend who starts crying at a brunch toast-and the price slowed right down. Now, some fancy crypto analyst with big dreams (probably from a guy named HAMED_AZ, who sounds like a superhero sidekick) says XRP might take a nosedive back towards the $2.9 support level, like a roller coaster losing steam at the top of the hill.
It has become as routine as a bad Oscar Wilde pun to hear of yet another public company adopting the Bitcoin treasury strategy. Some, ever so daring, sprinkle in Ethereum or other tokens like confetti at a carnival. As one who has navigated the digital assets sphere for years, I ought to be clapping like a seal at a circus. Instead, I find myself pondering: Is this rational? Sustainable? Or merely a masquerade of financial prudence? 🎭💭
A public company embracing memecoins? How utterly divine! Safety Shot, ever the enfant terrible of the corporate world, has done the unthinkable, acquiring $25 million worth of Bonk [BONK]! One can only imagine the boardroom whispers: “Memecoins? But darling, they’re so *last* internet fad!”
In a recent tête-à-tête with the illustrious CNBC Television, the esteemed Mitchell Green, a founding partner of Lead Edge Capital, proclaimed with the gravitas of a soothsayer that investing in tech titans is the golden ticket to profiting from the grand melee for AI supremacy. Who would have thought? 🤔
Of course, the crypto market was totally *unshaken* by this announcement. Not. XMR (that’s Monero for the uninitiated) took a dive, dropping 6% in a mere 24 hours to $252. And that was after a 13.5% loss the week before. So yeah, the panic button’s been hit. 📉
Ever since Trump decided to wear the “Crypto King” crown, accusations of corruption have been hot on the industry’s heels. And Zohran? Oh, he’s ready to turn that heat into some serious political fire, all at the expense of those poor, innocent crypto folks. 🧐
Circle, in its infinite wisdom, has introduced what they call Arc-a Layer-1 blockchain designed purely for stablecoin payments, foreign exchange dealings, and that bustling marketplace known as the capital markets. Such a platform is, naturally, open and enterprise-grade-whatever that may signify-and relies on USDC as its native gas token, making the usual fuss over volatile cryptocurrencies disappear faster than a suitor at a ball. The blockchain is compatible with the Ethereum Virtual Machine, which is a grand way of saying that developers can prance about using familiar tools, much like a lady using her fan to flirt-only with code. A public testnet, the playground for the clever, is promised for this very fall, and all this grand information was posted on the Circle’s official X account-so it must be true! 🤔
ETFS JUST BOUGHT $1 BILLION USD OF ETHEREUM
BLACKROCK BOUGHT $640M $ETH
FIDELITY BOUGHT $270M $ETH
GRAYSCALE BOUGHT $80M $ETH
THE INSTITUTIONS ARE COMING FOR $ETH (and they brought monocles) 🥂
– Arkham (@arkham) August 12, 2025