GBPJPY

Mark your calendars for February, when this “Everything” protocol will layer permissionless lending and borrowing atop the classic AMM xy = k model. The goal? To turn the wild, fragmented DeFi chaos into a capital-efficient barnyard. With one smart contract and a single liquidity pool, it’ll let you swap, borrow, and trade with leverage – all while pretending to be oracle-less. Sounds like a circus act with no net. 🎢

Gao and his gang gathered nearly $170 million-enough to buy a castle or at least a very fancy pineapple-by spinning tales of wizardry in the crypto universe. But it was more smoke and mirrors than actual treasure. Secretly, Gao was cosying up to a side scheme, buying BitClout tokens at a discount and selling them at a devilishly higher price-pocketing just shy of $2 million in secret profit. Sneaky, sneaky! 🕵️‍♂️💸

“Cryptocurrencies? Money? In Russia? Ha! That’s about as likely as finding a decent cup of tea at a Higgs Boson party,” Aksakov quipped at a press conference hosted by TASS. “They’re investment tools, not shopping carts. So, unless you’re planning to buy a spaceship with your rubles, don’t bother.” 🚀🛒

Ah, Hut 8 (HUT), the bitcoin and AI miner with dreams bigger than its britches. It’s struck a deal with Fluidstack, an AI infrastructure firm, for a whopping 245 megawatts of IT capacity at its River Bend campus in Louisiana. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any juicier, Fluidstack gets a Right of First Offer for an additional 1,000 megawatts as the campus grows. That’s right-1,000. 🌪️

And for those cheeky enough to try and jailbreak the system, X has drawn a line in the sand. Attempt to circumvent the algorithms with “prompt engineering,” “injection,” or other tech wizardry, and expect a hefty fine-up to $15,000 per million posts scraped in a mere 24 hours. Talk about a penalty that’s more substantial than most people’s quarterly bonuses! 💸

According to Shibburn, in the last 24 hours, 715,893 SHIB tokens were burned, a significantly smaller amount compared to the days when millions of SHIB tokens were burned. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! 🤔

Officials in Moscow are waving their big, bureaucratic fists and shouting, “Crypto? As money? Ha! That’s as likely as a bear riding a bicycle.” Anatoly Aksakov, the wise owl of the State Duma, says digital assets simply don’t fit into Russia’s strict legal puzzle. So, no crypto cash register ringing! 🛑🦅

So, HashKey Holdings, the crypto exchange that’s basically the cool kid in Hong Kong, made its Stock Exchange debut on Wednesday. 🎉 Raised $206 million in its IPO. Not too shabby, right? Priced shares at HK$6.68, which is basically the “I’m fancy but not too fancy” of pricing ranges.

Ah, digital assets-those delightful enigmas that have evolved from mere tokens to Byzantine financial contraptions. Staking, DeFi, airdrops, NFTs-each more confounding than the last, like guests at a particularly disastrous garden party. Regulators, bless their bureaucratic hearts, still cling to Howey like a drowning man to a lifebuoy, while the rest of us drown in liquidity pools.

On Tuesday, Visa revealed it’s now letting US financial institutions settle transactions in USDC. Because who wouldn’t want to move money faster over blockchains, seven days a week, while somehow managing to keep the consumer experience “unchanged”? It’s like magic, but with more fees and less magic. ✨