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On the second of September 2025-a day that will live on in infamy-U.S. forces decided to play pirate and attacked a boat they thought was carrying drugs, resulting in nine unfortunate souls meeting their maker. But wait! Two brave fellows survived the first strike, clinging to the wreckage like two soggy breadsticks. Yet alas, a second strike came along, making sure the boat was truly sunk, bringing the total to eleven! Talk about a bad day at sea! 🚢💥

This meteoric ascent, you see, is no mere accident of markets. No, it is the work of forces both practical and poetic. Renewable energy, those solar panels shimmering like modern-day sun gods, and electric vehicles, those steel horses of the future, have turned silver into their favored muse. Add to this the insatiable hunger of data centers-those digital temples-and you have a recipe for chaos… or brilliance. Alphabet, that corporate octopus, now clings to its $3.7 trillion crown with trembling digits. 🤚

BitMine, the Bitcoin mining firm that’s now basically a Wall Street bank with a crypto bro vibe, just bought $140 million worth of Ethereum. Through FalconX, which is like the crypto version of a shady broker who’s definitely not on the FBI’s Most Wanted list. 🧠

BeInCrypto, your trusty guide through this winter wonderland of finance, has sleuthed out three altcoins poised for a “Santa” rally. Grab your hot cocoa and let’s dive in! ☕️

First stop: Tron, with 50 million tokens ready to roll. Ethereum’s next on the list, because why not? 🚀

Novogratz, with his nose twitching like a fox on the hunt, declares that it’s the price action, not the sentiment, that’s doing the talking. 🦊💬 He points his wand at Bitcoin’s dramatic tango around the $100,000 mark, calling it a “psychological level” that lured buyers like a honey trap for greedy bears. 🐻🍯 Oh, the folly of it all! Once the party popped, the selling spree began, sending prices tumbling faster than a witch’s broomstick in a storm. 🧹⛈️

And what’s this? A sale of their shiny new SPACE tokens that’s as unpredictable as a cat on a hot tin roof? Well, hold onto your hats! The sale kicks off on December 17 at 6:00 PM UTC, and it’s got the makings of a spectacle. They’ve got a fancy market-clearing price model, which means everyone pays roughly the same, like a barroom scuffle over the last bottle – fair enough, I suppose. 💰

Mark your calendars for February, when this “Everything” protocol will layer permissionless lending and borrowing atop the classic AMM xy = k model. The goal? To turn the wild, fragmented DeFi chaos into a capital-efficient barnyard. With one smart contract and a single liquidity pool, it’ll let you swap, borrow, and trade with leverage – all while pretending to be oracle-less. Sounds like a circus act with no net. 🎢

Gao and his gang gathered nearly $170 million-enough to buy a castle or at least a very fancy pineapple-by spinning tales of wizardry in the crypto universe. But it was more smoke and mirrors than actual treasure. Secretly, Gao was cosying up to a side scheme, buying BitClout tokens at a discount and selling them at a devilishly higher price-pocketing just shy of $2 million in secret profit. Sneaky, sneaky! 🕵️‍♂️💸

“Cryptocurrencies? Money? In Russia? Ha! That’s about as likely as finding a decent cup of tea at a Higgs Boson party,” Aksakov quipped at a press conference hosted by TASS. “They’re investment tools, not shopping carts. So, unless you’re planning to buy a spaceship with your rubles, don’t bother.” 🚀🛒