You’re out of luck if you didn’t get in on the ground floor at $0.015 or $0.05. The team, advisors, and founders are still holding onto their tokens, and future unlocks will be decided by the community (because that’s how decentralization works, right? 🤷♀️).
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Having flirted with a new all-time high at $3.65, akin to a dashing suitor at a ball, the eyes of the cryptosphere now fixate upon the $3 support zone, a line drawn in the sand that whispers of either a glorious ascent to the heavens or a plummet into the abyss. 🌌
Now, behold! The current darling is the saga of the liquid staking derivative—an elegant exclamation point in the narrative arena—which has ascended to the throne, sweeping aside all lesser tales. Meanwhile, the venerable BlackRock, ever the ambitious suitor, courts Ethereum with ETFs, charming investors towards tokens such as LDO and Layer 2 marvels.
Sure, the charts look good, but history tells a different story. This RSI thingamajig is through the roof, way past 70.0. That’s like, overbought territory. It’s like buying a used car from a guy named “Slick” Rick. You just know you’re gonna get burned. 🔥
Meanwhile, the government’s nervous pen is sketching a “secure” framework—because nothing says trust like carefully crafting rules around a digital wild west.
Things looked promising: three new laws—CLARITY and GENIUS, no less—came to the rescue, promising clearer skies for digital assets. ProShares, in a daring move, filed for an XRP futures ETF, while eleven other asset managers decided to take a gamble on XRP’s future. Traders, with uncharacteristic optimism, are even yawning at an 88% chance of approval for a spot XRP ETF by December 2025—because nothing says reliable like a number in the high 80s, right?
Ah, Ethereum [ETH], the enfant terrible of the crypto world, gallops through Q3 with a 46.62% ROI, its price lingering around $3,640 like a guest overstaying his welcome. 🏇💨
Picture this: It’s May 2024, and our hero, Jarett Dunn, much like a raccoon with a particularly shiny object, decided to drain the Pump.fun platform of nearly $2 million in SOL, deftly scattering it across a collection of wallets like confetti at a very niche tech convention. I mean, who doesn’t love a good sprinkle of stolen wealth, particularly to holders of Solana memecoins or NFTs! 🎉
