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Lamenting the untamed expanse of digital ephemera, these noble lawmakers-led by such luminaries as Sen. Ruben Gallego and others- crafted their manifesto amidst the contemplative glow of library lamps late into the evenings. “Behold,” they declared, “the digital asset sector has burgeoned into a global market of worth four trillion dollars!” Aye, there were indeed millions of American souls who participated in this wild beast of a market, deserving of clear pathways paved with regulatory virtue.

Amidst the chaos of altcoins floundering like fish out of water, Ethereum has once again shown its mettle. The coin, which is the second-largest by market cap, has managed to claw its way back from recent setbacks and is now trading at a robust $4,372. That’s right, folks, it’s like watching a steamboat chug upriver against the current. 🚤

In this waltz of uncertainty, our aquatic leviathans splash selectively-an alchemy of recklessness, prudence, and an elegant in-between. Cast your gaze upon the three tokens that tempt the hunger of whales before the CPI curtain lifts.

In his latest market note, Timmer suggests that Bitcoin’s allure lies in its scarcity narrative, which plays beautifully in a world where fiat currencies are about as stable as a toddler on a trampoline. With the U.S. fiscal dominance pushing more capital into domestic risk assets, it’s no wonder Bitcoin is the belle of the ball. But don’t count out gold just yet-this old-timer has managed to outpace Bitcoin in 2025, much to the chagrin of crypto enthusiasts everywhere.

The plot thickens. We’re talking about a series of SIM swap attacks, those sneaky little rascals that let criminals steal your mobile number and bypass every last shred of security you thought you had. Between October 2022 and March 2023, five unsuspecting U.S. victims had their phones hijacked by digital marauders. They lost control of their precious mobile numbers, which meant the criminals could intercept two-factor authentication codes, waltz into their crypto wallets, and-voila!-steal millions in Bitcoin.

The August frenzy added $5.2 billion at the month-end price of $108,695 per BTC, while the full 3.68 million BTC stash is now worth roughly $400 billion. That’s enough to make a small country weep with envy (or maybe panic). The categories? Public companies, private firms, governments, ETFs, and DeFi – which is just regular finance with more acronyms and less accountability. 🤷♂️

Gina, with the flair of a seasoned raconteur, has divulged that a staggering 99% of XRP holders are poised to part ways with their tokens once the coin breaches the $10 to $20 threshold. This is not merely a tale of numbers and graphs but a narrative woven from the threads of human psychology. In the realm of finance, certain figures, like $10 or $20, are not just digits but psychological barriers, akin to the mirage of a oasis in the desert. For the retail trader, these thresholds are the stuff of dreams, the moment when the virtual becomes tangible, and the temptation to secure one’s winnings is as irresistible as the first sip of water after a long thirst.

A seasoned crypto analyst, known as CryptoELITES, has been spreading the good word. According to this sage, Bitcoin’s recent price action is a sign of things to come. It’s like the market’s saying, “I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille!” Breaking above that key trendline is a big deal, folks. It’s like when a river finally breaks its dam-something big is bound to happen.

Mow’s message? “You can’t build a spaceship if you hate the astronauts!” 🚀👨‍🚀 Or something like that. He’s basically saying these devs have a case of the “I’m-smarter-than-thou” syndrome, and it’s stinking up the whole Bitcoin ecosystem like a week-old herring. 🦭🤢

On September 9th, twelve Senate Democrats-including Ruben Gallego and Kirsten Gillibrand-unveiled their magnum opus: a seven-pillar framework designed to wrangle the untamed beast known as crypto. According to these fine folks, President Trump has been dabbling in digital assets not because he believes in blockchain but because he sees dollar signs where others see code. And let me tell you, accusing him of abusing his office for personal gain is about as shocking as finding a riverboat gambler at the poker table. 🃏