Bloomberg’s wise man, Eric Balchunas, claims a new, somber epoch approaches. No more nightly terrors of sudden ruin or glories. No, the presence of sober ETFs and responsible gentlemen in suits will tame the beast. The delightfully sickening pendulum swings, once the only entertainment for insomniac hodlers, may start to resemble a municipal clock in Chelyabinsk: predictable, sturdy, and profoundly unexciting.
“The Act cleaves the chalice of speculation from the bread of utility,” he intones, his voice trembling with the weight of a thousand compliance officers. Yet one wonders: is this clarity or a Sisyphean farce? The EU’s MiCA regulation looms like a brooding specter, whispering, “We told you so.” 🌍
XRP is currently priced at $3.18, which is like finding a decent parking spot in Manhattan. It’s got a massive market cap above $188 billion, but it’s down over 9% this week. Short-term, it’s been pretty stable, but the recent pullback suggests people are cashing out after a good run. If XRP holds above $3.00, we might see a bounce to $3.40. But if it can’t hold, it’s gonna slide to $2.85. Classic crypto: up, down, who knows? 🤷♂️
According to an impressive little scoop from the Financial Times (you know, that tiny paper everyone reads), our dear Anthropic is aiming to fetch between $3 billion and $5 billion from investors in the Middle East. Because why not? They’ve clearly run out of things to buy in the neighborhood. 🏰
Now, if anyone is going to steer this ship filled with digital coins, it might as well be Trump, the self-proclaimed “Crypto President” (his own words, no joke!). His World Liberty Financial platform is on a mission to “make crypto and America great,” and I question if anyone told him that most of these investments are subject to the kind of scrutiny we reserve for high school kids trying to get into the prom. You know, all that pressure to be cool, or at least not a total embarrassment to the family. At least he churned out some “Trump Digital Trading Cards” and officially entered the meme market with the TRUMP memecoin because why not? 😅
According to those sharp CryptoQuant eggheads, if this trend keeps up, we’re in for a full-blown altseason explosion. Picture Bitcoin sulking in the corner while altcoins throw a rager, making investors richer than a villain in a Mel Brooks flick. Cha-ching! 💰🤣
With a wave of audacity, at least 27 brave souls from the world of cryptocurrency have thrown their hats—or should we say, digital wallets—into the ring, filing their first lobbying disclosures. It seems they’ve developed quite the appetite for legislation that promises to mold the future of their shiny digital treasures. 🍀
On the 25th of July, Swan, a service provider that swears allegiance only to Bitcoin, posted a bold assertion: the rally currently underway is different from all others. It is not frenzied; it is deliberate, precise, and, quite frankly, not nearly as hyped as it could be.
nobody likes that kind of roller coaster. 🎢
At a recent court hearing, Assistant U.S. Attorney Rehn, with the solemnity of a preacher, dropped the bombshell that Schmidt and others were under investigation. The journalist Eleanor Terrett, ever the digital scribe, took to social media to spread the news. But the prosecutor, with a nod to secrecy, asked that the transcripts remain hidden from the public eye. A request that spoke volumes about the delicate, tangled web of secrets that the DOJ is navigating.
