On-chain metrics (because why not measure every single digital transaction, right?) show that futures market participants are practically vanishing faster than your favorite socks in the laundry. Short-term holders? They’re ditching their SOL faster than a cat avoiding water. Is it time for a panic sale? Maybe, but let’s hold our breath for now. 🏃♂️💨
In a Coinpedia interview, Baek, our weary prophet of compliance, lamented the gap. “Criminals are efficient, fast, and innovative,” he sighed, “while regulators tiptoe like drunkards on a tightrope. A dance of incompetence, one might say.” 🤡
A valuation of $15 billion! A sum so vast it could drown the soul in its own ambition, yet here it is-a number etched in July’s ink by The Information, finalized this month with the cold precision of a hangman’s drop. Kraken, in its cunning, cast aside the sycophants of traditional investment, setting terms like a czar decreeing the fate of his realm. Among the vested parties: Arjun Sethi’s Tribe Capital, that modern-day Robin Hood redistributing venture capital to the crypto elite, and Sethi himself, a man who surely dreams in Bitcoin and wakes to the sound of trading algorithms.
These ETFs are tucked into the One Fund Trust, filed as 485APOS amendments-like tucking a dragon into a teacup to speed the SEC’s tea break. Each fund will merrily rebalance every month. 🧁📈
A source, naturally speaking off the record lest they offend the financial gods, suggests this could be a “technological transformation.” Oh, the audacity of hope! Several months, however, are predicted before any definitive clarity emerges. One suspects many a perfectly good spreadsheet will be filled with data before any actual transformation is observed.
Lo, even the mighty BitMine, titan among institutional holders, has stumbled. Its $7.5 billion Ethereum hoard, once a monument to avarice, now languishes below its cost basis-a fate as bitter as winter to a destitute beggar. Maartunn, that oracle of charts, whispers of a market in convulsion, where whales, those supposed titans of stability, now flounder like fish out of water. What dark forces conspire to humble such colossi? Perhaps the universe mocks our hubris, or perhaps it is merely Tuesday.
The $1.69-$1.73 supply zone and the $1.86 crest must be hauled overboard for the next rise to appear.
But wait! There might just be a twist in this plot. According to some *very technical* indicators (don’t worry, no one actually understands them), and a sudden shift in its relationship with Bitcoin, a *recovery* might be just around the corner. 📉➡️📈
In a move that’s equal parts optimism and sheer lunacy, the company announced its TON acquisition spree on Thursday, blissfully ignoring the coin’s 13% nosedive over the past month. “Why not double down?” a spokesperson reportedly shrugged, before tripping over a bear market chart. 📉
Rihani ain’t no spring chicken in the grand farm of technology. He’s a veteran product captain who has roamed from Apple to Tesla, Cash App, and Coinbase. Before this curtain raiser, he wore the title of product director at a crypto exchange; at Tesla and Cash App he tinkered with Bitcoin payments; and in Apple’s orchard he helped plant the seeds for Apple Pay and the Apple Card. The man’s resume is thick enough to chisel a statue of the market from oak. 🪵💳
