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The ATMs, scattered throughout America’s less discerning establishments-convenience stores, gas stations, places where one doesn’t generally expect high finance-appear to have been… frequented by individuals with funds of questionable origin. Wire fraud, narcotics, the usual sort of things. And Mr. Isa, it is alleged, wasn’t particularly inquisitive as to their provenance. He merely converted it into cryptocurrency, sent it on its way, and presumably, hoped for the best. A rather naive approach, wouldn’t you say? 🤔

The crypto market’s latest episode of “Who Let the Leverage Out?” has left traders scrambling, liquidations cascading across exchanges like water off a duck’s back. Devere Group’s Nigel Green, CEO and self-proclaimed “crypto oracle,” explained on Nov. 18 that Bitcoin’s $1 trillion drop isn’t a death knell but a “leverage purge.” Because nothing says “long-term investment” like borrowing 50x your net worth to buy a digital ledger.

Word on the street (or should I say, the blockchain?) is they’re gearin’ up to sway the 2026 midterms. That’s right, folks, they’re playin’ the long game, like a riverboat gambler with a deck full of aces. 🃏

Enflux, a Singaporean outfit with a flair for dramatic financial predictions, told CoinDesk that this muted response signals a shift: from liquidity extravaganzas to a sobering focus on what really makes coins worth something. Fancy that!

What makes this… noteworthy, is not merely the naming of names – Bitcoin, Ethereum, Solana, and XRP – as if reciting a litany of modern idols. No, it is the purpose. They can now hold these shimmering digital trinkets so that they, the mighty banks, may… function on blockchain rails! Paying those ridiculous “gas fees” on Ethereum, settling transactions on Solana – it’s no longer the realm of radicals and dreamers; it’s legally sanctioned. One shudders to think what Dostoevsky would make of it all. A comedy of errors, perhaps? 🎭

Imagine buying a ticket to paradise, only to find it’s a hole in the ground. That’s essentially what happened to BAL-a death drop of 23.81%, tumbling from a princely dollar to almost $0.75 after an unsolicited attack on 3 November. All that effort to recover funds, and the market still decided to take a nap in the basement-probably dreaming of better days… or not. Despite heroic rescues, BAL remains not quite itself; more like a battered hero limping home.

Imagine that! After years of treating crypto like a rogue toddler at a tea party, the SEC has finally realized it’s just a fad. What’s next? A mandatory nap time for blockchain? 🛌

Early tests suggest the machine’s precision would make a Swiss watch blush. Who knew image processing could out-calculate calculators? The system now serves 60 million investors monthly-roughly the population of a small galaxy-who can trade everything from Dogecoin to forex with the confidence of a man who’s definitely not making this up.

Bitcoin (BTC) staggered its way back to $93,700 today, up from this week’s low of $88,790. Still deep in the bear market, with its value plummeting by nearly 26% from its peak this year. The situation is grim. The doom-laden whispers of financial ruin echo in the halls of crypto. Or maybe not. It’s hard to tell.

World Liberty Financial – less a financial firm, more a Trump family group chat – has sprinted into crypto’s spotlight, peddling governance tokens, stablecoins, and digital assets faster than a TikTok trend. But now? The plot thickens. 🕵️♂️