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Let’s break it down, because nothing says “success” like a spreadsheet. Day 1: $58.5 million. Day 2: $26 million. Day 3: $19 million (okay, this is starting to look like a slow Wednesday at a bank). Day 4: $24 million. Total? A tidy $128 million. Bloomberg’s Eric Balchunas, who’s probably never met a number he didn’t want to analyze, called it “one of the quickest crypto ETF starts in ages.” Translation: before you could say “HODL,” your mom had a 401(k) in XRP. 💸

Meanwhile, euro-backed stablecoin issuers, armed with spreadsheets and existential dread, argue that a digital euro is as useful as a umbrella in a hurricane. “The ECB is not being helpful,” Gísli Kristjánsson declared, as if he’d just discovered fire. By 2026, he insists, “real-world use cases” will emerge-though one wonders if these will involve paying rent or simply buying a loaf of bread without existential guilt. 🥖

Pi Network has taken a decisive step toward expanding its real-world utility. The project announced the release of the Pitogo travel token in its Testnet this week. This update helps Pioneers to turn on the new token in their Pi wallet. They are now able to start testing transactions related to travel in a simulated environment. Therefore, with this launch, the transition to a functioning digital economy has reached an important milestone. But let’s be honest, this is just a glorified game of Monopoly with digital money. 🤷‍♂️

The bill, a labyrinth of securities and commodities, must navigate the treacherous waters of two committees, each more bureaucratic than the last. 🧱

Bitcoin, that old rascal, couldn’t keep its nose above the $91,000 mark this morning, taking a tumble toward $90,800. The traders in Asia, poor chaps, woke up to a market as heavy as Aunt Agatha after a third helping of trifle. Ethereum slipped below $3,000, Solana loitered near $130, and even Litecoin couldn’t escape the sell-off. It was all rather gloomy, like a Monday morning without tea. ☕

Bitcoin (BTC) is back at the $90,000 support level, which is basically the crypto equivalent of your ex texting “u up?” at 2 a.m. Will it hold, or will it ghost us? 👻 This level is like the VIP section of the crypto club-historically important, technically aligned with more indicators than a Bridget Jones diary entry. 📈

In just seven days, Bitcoin lost more than 12%, and Ethereum followed suit with an 11% drop. Looks like the market’s on a rollercoaster, and no one knows when it will decide to stop screaming. Analysts suggest that between on-chain shenanigans and the macro mambo, there’s plenty of chaos-fun for some, disaster for others. 🎢💣

At a Buenos Aires confab, he told a crowd of 500+ souls that Ethereum’s base layer should “ossify” like a crotchety old man’s arteries. Translation: stop fiddlin’ with the core and let the kids innovate on the edges. 🤖

Let’s cut through the chaos: Longtime miners aren’t panicking. They’ve seen this movie before. It’s just the third act where the hero (Bitcoin) pretends to die before the comeback. 💸