GBPJPY

Eric Trump, who’s got more tweets than a field has grasshoppers, took the opportunity to poke at the battered traders-the ones who bet against crypto like they forgot it bites back.

A dog wearing a pink knit cap | source: @ordcity on X

On the magical date of Friday, Aug. 8, Chainlink (LINK) 🦊 soared with a 9% daily gain, pushing its price above $18.1, as if it had been sprinkled with fairy dust. But what conjured this spell? Two potent potions, my friends: a sprinkle of hope from the great and powerful Donald Trump, who hinted at tariff relief for tech imports, and the grand unveiling of Chainlink’s new strategic on-chain LINK reserve. 🏦✨

Now, on to the juicy bits. Santiment spilled the tea on some metrics: Transaction Volume and Circulation. Basically, these are just big words for “how many tokens are being shuffled around” and “how many new tokens are actually involved, not just the same ones in endless circles.” Because, let’s face it, not every transfer is a party. Some just involve the same coin doing laps like it’s at the Olympics.

Friday gave way to feverish speculation, the kind of mass hysteria that gripped Petersburg in the time of cholera, as rumor spread of BlackRock possibly filing for a spot XRP ETF after Ripple and SEC shared a touching moment of “joint dismissal” in their lawsuit-a reconciliation worthy of a soap opera, perhaps. 🥱

In today’s riveting update, Stańczak plainly states that the community should prioritize the Fusaka extravaganza over the upcoming glam, er, Glamsterdam, which’s slated for some mysterious moment in the nebulous Q1 or Q2 of 2026. Quite the sideshow for those of us who enjoy watching the clowns juggle code and chaos. He’s practically begging project coordinators to stop dawdling and get their act together on Fusaka-because, heaven knows, the Ethereum crowd loves a deadline that’s as sacred as a church raffle. 🎭💻

According to their big announcement on Friday, they’re offering institutional-grade custody, spot trading, derivatives trading, and-wait for it-staking in the near future. And if you’re thinking, “But what about loans?” Don’t worry, they’ve got those too, coming in Q4. All your SUI holdings will be kept off the balance sheet, because apparently even Swiss banks don’t want to touch this stuff directly. Smart move. 🤷‍♂️💼

Behold: Dogecoin, the meme-coin that started as a joke and somehow became worth taking seriously, is allegedly setting sail for the lofty shores of $1.60. Yes, you heard me right-$1.60! The very same coin that once traded for fractions of a penny is now eyeing a price tag higher than my grocery bill after a trip to Whole Foods. And how does this modern-day oracle justify such madness? With something called a “historic fractal.” Because apparently, history doesn’t just repeat itself-it rhymes, dances, and occasionally moonwalks straight into your wallet 💃🪙.

The meme itself is a relic from the distant past, dating back to a 2013 Reddit contest. Back when internet memes were still experimental art projects, a brave soul drew a crude MS Paint wizard riding a shiny gold coin with the bold motto “magic internet money.” Despite its unimpressive artistry, it somehow captured the rebellious spirit of Bitcoin – a perfect symbol of outsider defiance that stuck around like a stubborn burr. Now, it’s practically the vintage poster child for crypto’s entire attitude problem.

This Friday past, Coinbase waltzed onto the stage with a flourish, announcing the addition of DEX trades-buffered with the finesse of a debutante at the ball. Now, users can partake in an expanded universe of cryptocurrencies, practically from the comfort of their lounge chairs-at least, for most of the U.S. 😏