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This nefarious creation, born of the twisted minds of nation-backed hackers, doth highlight the growing technical prowess of these cyber operators. For in the dark arts of digital thievery, they have found a most lucrative source of state financing. 💸

Lo and behold, just a week prior, Wormhole forged a strategic alliance with Ripple, joining forces in a quest to conquer the realms of multi-chain interoperability. This grand announcement, heralded on 26 June, bore a 12% price surge, like a fleeting comet across the night sky. But alas, the eternal cosmic dance of price seemed reluctant to shift toward a bullish fate.

Now, Ondo’s been at this for a spell, mind you, having drawn up plans for an onchain platform that lets folks dip their toes into the richest swimming pools of U.S. securities. With this new influx of cash, they’re fixin’ to turn that fountain of ideas into a veritable geyser, especially as the masses clamor for a smoother ride into the world of RWAs, courtesy of that fancy blockchain technology.

“We have but a sliver left—so thin, so slippery you might lose it between your sausagey fingers,” he says on Thursday, vaguely nostalgic for the sweet days of 2020 when dreams seemed less riddled with existential dread and swindles.

Meanwhile, over in America (land of large cars and even larger spreadsheets), U.S. M2 has just sashayed past the $21.94 trillion mark. The S&P 500—in a moment of egregious showing off—vaulted above 6,200, presumably because numbers, like egos, love to be inflated.

This 12-week program will focus on the hottest sectors in crypto right now: real-world asset (RWA) tokenization, institutional decentralized finance (DeFi), and AI-powered blockchain applications. Selected projects could receive up to $200,000 in funding to bring their ideas to life. 💰💡

Pacing her government office (perhaps eyeing a portrait of Alexander Hamilton disapproving from the wall), Letitia James scribbled a letter to Congress with a quill dipped generously in sarcasm and ink. The STABLE Act and GENIUS Act, she announced, are as trustworthy as an umbrella made of cheesecloth.

On July 1, our protagonist Lagen (on X, naturally—where else does prophecy occur?) unveiled his revised Elliott Wave soiree, featuring no fewer than four consolidation phases—Base 1 through 4, for those diligently numbering their parabolic conquests—and a classic, borderline dramatic, step-like trajectory. It’s the economic equivalent of stairway to heaven, minus Led Zeppelin royalties.
Wave 5, evidently the belle of this ball, is supposedly setting its sights on $395,000—a number so flamboyant one wonders if Bitcoin will throw in a case of Krug for every new ATH. The culminating movements promise a crescendo rapid enough to ruffle even the stiffest upper lip.

The ever-watchful Trader Tardigrade (who unfortunately is not an actual water bear, but is just as uncrushable, apparently) took to X (a.k.a. Twitter, which is like shouting loudly outside a Victorian orphanage), and declared Dogecoin had wiggled, wagged, and finally burst above a stubborn 50-day descending trendline. The crowd of crypto-watchers, who hadn’t seen this much excitement since the last time the word “bullish” was mispronounced, perked up in their seats.

In a report that reads like a modern-day fairy tale, Glassnode proclaims that “a super-majority of Bitcoin investors” are currently sitting on a mountain of unrealized profits, following the cryptocurrency’s triumphant return to the dizzying heights of $107,000. One can almost hear the sound of champagne corks popping in the background.