Brandt, ever the optimist with a side of snark, shared a logarithmic chart (because nothing says “I’m serious” like a logarithmic chart) showing gold’s meteoric rise since 1976. According to him, if this bull cycle is anything like the last ones, gold could hit $8,000 per ounce. That’s right, $8,000. Enough to make even the most die-hard Bitcoin maximalist consider hoarding jewelry instead of JPEGs.
Led by the crypto cowboy himself, Mike “The Crypto King” Novogratz, reportedly, Galaxy plans to launch this galactic-sized crypto hedge fund in Q1 2026. That’s right, 2026-because why invest in the present when you can bet on the future? Seed commitments are pouring in from family offices, high-net-worth investors, and institutions faster than you can say “HODL”! The fund will juggle up to 30% in crypto tokens (because who doesn’t love a good rollercoaster?) and the rest in financial-services equities. Oh, and did we mention Galaxy already oversees a cool $17 billion in digital assets? That’s more than most countries’ GDPs, but who’s counting?
The DOGE price, with the grace of a condemned man walking the plank, traces a downward channel of lower highs and lower lows. Each feeble attempt to ascend the upper band meets the unyielding grip of sellers, as if the market itself conspires to mock the dreamers. The $0.15 to $0.153 range, once a bastion of hope, has now become a mirror of despair, its role as support flipped to resistance with the subtlety of a villain in a melodrama. In this grim tableau, one wonders: can the downtrodden souls of the bulls conjure a miracle, or is $0.20 merely a mirage shimmering on the horizon?
Yet, beneath the surface, the large holders, those enigmatic whales, have been stepping in with the enthusiasm of a man at a buffet. Approximately $360 million worth of ETH has been accumulated, but the smart money, that elusive group of informed traders, remains unimpressed, as if they’ve seen this act before and know the punchline is yet to come.
Bitcoin spot ETFs led the panic-laden parade, shedding $483 million like a dog in springtime. Now, Bitcoin wasn’t exactly crumbling into digital dust-no, it was just hovering near a support level like a confused tourist trying to find the exit at a subway station. But institutions, those famously brave trailblazers, apparently decided that “holding near support” was just a fancy way of saying “this might go badly, actually.” So they left. Not screaming, not dumping everything into the toilet-just a polite, hands-in-pockets departure, like you do when a party gets weird but no one wants to be the first to leave.
The move has shifted sentiment from quiet confidence to caution, forcing traders to reassess whether Monero’s recent rally merely paused too high, or whether the structure is beginning to weaken. However, what makes this momentum important is where the decline is unfolding.
Right then. Solana Mobile, a company that clearly has far too much time on its hands, has unleashed this SKR token upon the world. It’s for those lucky souls (or perhaps foolish ones) who grabbed a Seeker phone in Season 1. Over 100,000 users and a frankly alarming 188 developers are eligible for a share of nearly 2 BILLION SKR tokens. Two billion! Good grief.
In a recent whimsical exposition on X, the oracle of on-chain analytics known as Glassnode has unveiled the latest chapter in the epic saga of the Net Unrealized Profit/Loss (NUPL). This delightful metric, as its name playfully suggests, measures the collective fate of BTC investors, weighing their gains and losses with the precision of a tightrope walker balancing on a windy day.
They spoke not of peace, nor of decentralization – virtues long forgotten – but of a “stress test,” a seven-day trial of fire, during which 11 billion transactions were to be flung into the chain like hay into a starving barn. Yet what is a transaction but a whisper from one soul to another? And can such whispers truly be counted when spoken under duress?
Lo! The TROVE token plummeted with the grace of a disgruntled sparrow, sparking a chorus of outrage among those who had so generously funded the Hyperliquid integration. The company, in a most pragmatic fashion, declared that these funds would be allocated to development, salaries, and marketing, while issuing partial refunds to the most unfortunate participants.
