And who should sound the alarm but the dynamic duo themselves, Changpeng “CZ” Zhao and Yi He, co-founders of Binance. They’ve been wagging their fingers at investors, warning of phishing scams and fake airdrops spreading like gossip at a cocktail party. 🍸🤥 In a particularly scandalous incident, the official X account of BNB Chain (followed by nearly four million, mind you!) was hijacked to promote a fraudulent token campaign. How dare they! 😤
This grand flourish coincided neatly with the Federal Reserve’s latest shindig-a tea soiree where central bankers, in their infinite wisdom, mused aloud about granting crypto and fintech firms access to their hallowed payment rails. One might imagine Jeeves murmuring, “I see you’ve decided to let the hoi polloi play with the silverware.”
What promised to be a hallelujah of inflows for them fancy bitcoin exchange-traded funds on Monday, Oct. 20-think champagne and caviar-turned into a katzenjammer dirge by the buzzer, as bigwig investors cashed in their chips faster than a gambler at a rigged roulette! Sarcasm alert: Who knew profits could evaporate like my patience at a family dinner? 🎭🍾
CEO Paolo Ardoino, a man with a knack for hyperbole, has dubbed this the “biggest financial inclusion achievement in history”-a title that would make even the most seasoned politician blush. 🤡
It’s retraced, folks, along with the fading retail buzz and a market that’s as cautious as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Still, ASTER stays in the game, pulling over $150 million daily-more than some small towns’ economies! 🏙️
This ol’ XRP price has been danglin’ ’round $2.45, droppin’ like a hot potato from its lofty $2.55 perch, mirrorin’ the big ol’ market tumble that knocked the socks off them other fancy coins. Lost that sturdy $2.71 crutch, turnin’ it into a barricade fit for a standoff. Technical gimcracks show the RSI fadin’ like my prospects at poker, and volumes quieter than a church mouse. But lordy, them on-chain tales hint at big fish swallowin’ up heaps near these parts, makin’ you wonder-could this be the spark for a comeback, or just another wild goose chase? 🤔💸
In a move that makes the world’s richest folks look like they’re playing a high-stakes game of Monopoly, a hefty bunch of Bitcoin-2,854 BTC worth roughly $314 million-and 29,639 ETH valued near $115 million, all tiptoed out of their ETF wallets and straight into Coinbase Prime’s waiting arms. That’s over $430 million slipping out like a slippery fish. Both moves linked directly to BlackRock’s shiny iShares Bitcoin Trust and iShares Ethereum Trust-because what’s a little magic without a dash of legality? 🧙♂️💸
After a weekend rebound from the humble depths below $104,000, analysts are now waving tiny red flags, warning that weak derivatives activity and looming U.S. inflation data could make Bitcoin act like a toddler on a sugar rush-chaotic and unpredictable.
Coinbase Markets, in its infinite wisdom, took to its official X account (yes, that’s still a thing, apparently) to share that trading for OMNI-PERP contracts had been officially suspended on not one, but two of its platforms. Truly a glorious day for crypto traders everywhere. 🙄
But Mert wasn’t done. Oh no, he had a sneaky plan. He whispered, “What if ZEC is the real Bitcoin? The one Satoshi secretly wished for?” And guess what? He had proof! Back in 2010, Satoshi himself (yes, the mythical crypto wizard) admitted on a forum that if zero-knowledge proofs were ever practical, Bitcoin could be “much better and easier.” Spoiler: He had no idea how. 🤷♂️✨