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In the world of cryptocurrencies, XRP recently decided to flex its muscles, dancing past everyone else in a stylish rally that put the broader market in a very awkward position—sort of like showing up to a black-tie event in flip-flops. On Friday, XRP was flirting dangerously close to the coveted $3 mark—yes, three whole dollars, people! 🎉 Meanwhile, its market cap ballooned to nearly $170 billion, which really starts to sound like Monopoly money.

According to the wise and insightful Master Ananda, a TradingView analyst of considerable repute, Dogecoin is displaying technical patterns that are as clear as a sunny day after a storm. It has been over 217 days since the last great rally, but now, the meme coin stands on the precipice of another explosive move. The projected Fibonacci extension targets suggest that DOGE could reach as high as $1.168, a 591% increase from its current levels. Imagine that! A doge’s dream come true! 🎉

After six long months of patience (or was it agony?), Onyxcoin finally broke free from the descending wedge that had it locked up tighter than a Russian novel’s plot. The breakout pushed its price to a thrilling $0.01518. Resistance? Pfft, that’s so last season. Now, it might just flip into support. Who knew math could be so dramatic?

The move appears to be retesting its breakout zone, a typical pattern before continuation. However, price action alone isn’t telling the full story.

It all started when the hacker, with a penchant for pilfering, swiped the funds from GMX’s Arbitrum-based liquidity pool. But, in a shocking twist, they’ve decided to return the loot and collect a reward. Talk about a change of heart! ❤️

This heralds a new dawn where Nigerians can whip out AEON Pay on its Telegram miniapp—or is it a magical app that never lets you down? Who knows! With merchants eager to join the party, spenders can now type in their Naira (NGN) and summon their crypto of choice. AEON Pay performs asset conversion faster than you can say “Where’s my wallet?” and sends a domestic bank transfer directly to the merchant. Imagine—crypto payments that feel as routine as swiping your phone to check the latest gossip on social media. 🥳

In the complaint, Coinbase reported that the state reversed its stance on crypto. Initially, Oregon mentioned that cryptocurrencies were not subject to regulation as securities. Next, in April, Coinbase was sued by the state in a case entitled a securities enforcement action. This change is not fair in the opinion of Coinbase.

Ah, the delightful world of journalism, where papers are printed on a diet of mischief and half-truths! CZ recently threatened to send Bloomberg a formal invitation to court after they produced what (in his view) was a “hit piece”—not the kind you’d find on a pop music chart, mind you, but a veritable casserole of factual blunders, embellished like a dwarf’s beard at a pub contest.

The esteemed CEO Siguang Peng proclaimed that Ethereum has “emerged as the foundation of on-chain USD settlement and value transfer.” This feels oddly reminiscent of my neighbor’s claim that their pet iguana is the world’s next famous art critic. 🌍

BREAKING: President Trump announces 30% tariff on the European Union and Mexico.