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The decentralized exchange (DEX) platform’s native token Jupiter [JUP] recently donned a crown of gains, as if summoned by a sorcerer’s whisper. 🐉

Investment advisors have outdone themselves, buying up Ethereum like it’s the last box of discounted wine on a wine rack. According to Bloomberg, they now hold twice as much ETH as hedge funds. Hedge funds, for the record, are the financial version of someone who buys a house and immediately regrets it. 🤷‍♂️

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So, what does this mean for you, the intrepid crypto cowboy? 🏇 Well, it means no more confusion, no more being left out of the global crypto party like the last pickle in the jar. 🥒 Foreign exchanges can now register as a “foreign board of trade,” or FBOT (because who doesn’t love a good acronym?). And once they do, you can legally trade on them without the CFTC breathing down your neck like a nosy neighbor. 🕵️♂️

It appears that Hyperliquid is not only moving up in the charts but also rising in popularity across the social sphere, like a fine wine gaining favor amongst connoisseurs. According to LunarCrush, social mentions have surged in perfect harmony with price action, showing that the community and market are feeding off each other’s momentum-like a happy couple who just can’t get enough of each other. 😏

In an interview with Fox News Business, van Eck shared his brilliant insight: stablecoins are now the cool kids at the party, and every bank and financial service company needs a bit of their infrastructure to keep up. Because, of course, without stablecoins, you’re just a sad, lonely bank in the corner, no longer a part of the digital age.

It seems like Caliber (Nasdaq: CWD) has decided to become not just a player in the real estate game, but a big-time crypto enthusiast as well. Their new digital asset strategy will focus on acquiring LINK, the token of the ever-so-trendy Chainlink network. It’s almost as if real estate wasn’t enough; they wanted to diversify into crypto, because, well, why not?

But fear not, comrades of the crypto proletariat! Beneath the surface, the whales are stirring. On-chain data whispers of accumulation, and technical charts hint at rebellion. September, it seems, may yet crown its meme coin monarchs. 🦜

Bitcoin, the granddaddy of all crypto, flexed its muscles and was trading at $112,818, like a proud parent at the school play, with a trading volume of $63.68 billion. It’s up by 1.31%-nothing like a modest little victory lap. Ethereum, the second-most important sibling at the crypto family reunion, was at $4,585.17, though it had a minor hiccup and dipped 0.22%. Still, $40.51 billion in transactions isn’t bad for a second-place finisher, right?

Rumors of Ethereum’s ETF success have been greatly exaggerated… because it’s actually happening. While Bitcoin ETFs are out here collecting pocket change like it’s loose lint in a washing machine, ETH-backed funds are raking in the big bucks. Like, real big. We’re talking $1.8 billion since August 21, according to that ever-helpful oracle, SosoValue. Bitcoin? A measly $388 million-and not all of it’s even clean money.