According to the grand daily prophecy-or, more accurately, ARK’s trading disclosure-the fund managers managing to keep a straight face went on what could only be described as a shopping spree across three exchange-traded funds (ETFs). Here’s what they scooped up on November 14, as if trying to turn regret into profit:
While Bitcoin teeters on the precipice of a bear market abyss, the altcoins approach their own moment of truth. A horizontal support level and an ascending trendline stand as the last bastions against a spectacular collapse. Will they hold, or shall we witness a farce of financial proportions? 🤡💸
Ah, the Financial Accounting Standards Board (FASB), that bastion of numerical nuance, is once again poised to dip its quill into the inkwell of crypto conundrums. With a flourish, they consider adding “accounting for crypto asset transfers” to their technical agenda-a phrase as thrilling as a tax form, yet somehow, in this absurd age, utterly riveting. This, my dear reader, is the stuff of which modern drama is made, a drama as taut as a tightrope walker’s nerve.
US spot Bitcoin (BTC) exchange-traded funds (ETFs) bled $866 million on Thursday, a day that etched its name in the annals of crypto history as the second-worst, narrowly missing the $1.14 billion hemorrhage of Feb. 25, 2025. 🩸
Behold, Ethereum trades at a paltry $3,211, a 10% plunge in mere hours. Over the week, it has fallen 4%, and in the past month, a staggering 21%. Its August high of $4,946? A distant memory, a mirage in the desert of despair, now 35% out of reach. Trading volume, however, surges-up 32.7% to $49.6 billion-as if the rats are fleeing the sinking ship with renewed vigor. 🐀⚓
Bitcoin’s back where it was in June of ’25, which, let’s be honest, in crypto years is practically the Stone Age. November’s been a hard month, a real gut punch from its peak in October down to the mid-$90,000 range. It’s a humbling experience for those who thought it would just…keep going up. 🤷♂️
But hold the schmaltz! There’s a little something-something brewing. See, these “stablecoin exchange reserves” are going UP! It’s a mystery, I tell ya, a mystery! Analysts are whispering, saying maybe, just maybe, people are holding onto their drachmas, waiting for the next big shebang. Are they stockpiling for a comeback or just bracing for the apocalypse? 🤔
Eric Balchunas, Bloomberg’s go-to expert for all things finance (and probably a secret super hero), took to X (yes, that’s still Twitter) to drop some knowledge on how impressive this XRP ETF launch is. His take? Historic. That’s a big word. And we’re here for it. 🙌
Ah, Ethereum! Once a beacon of innovation, now a trembling wraith clinging to the $3,000 precipice. Four percent lighter this week, it staggers under the weight of absent buyers, its spirit sapped by a bearish gale. Yet-could it be?-whispers of a “bullish divergence” haunt the MACD and RSI, like a prisoner hallucinating freedom. Will the $3,800 wall prove a Sisyphean torment, or shall ETH rally, only to collapse again? The drama thickens! 🎭
