Malaysia’s regulators, ever the daring adventurers, have decided to let crypto exchanges play the role of kingmaker. They’ll now list tokens on their own, faster than a greased pig at a county fair. But don’t get too excited-there’s a catch, of course. 🐷
Look, here’s the thing: The short-term chart is doing its thing, right? The price touched the bottom of the descending channel, and guess what? It ALSO hit the magical $3,000 support level. We should all be applauding, but we’re too busy freaking out about “What if it goes lower?” (Spoiler: It might, but who’s counting?) A little bounce here? Totally expected. Is it going up to the downtrend line (that faint dotted one, you know, the one you pretend to ignore)? Maybe. Or, it could just go back down for another retest. The excitement, folks. So much excitement. 🙄
XRP, which had previously seen institutional inflows, reversed sharply, with nearly $16 million in outflows, reflecting the breadth of the sentiment shift. It’s like watching a financial cliff diving show-only the pool is empty, and the divers are wearing tuxedos. 🐳🎭
On June 15, roughly 155 days ago (which feels like a lifetime ago), bitcoin was a glorious $104,000. Since then, nearly every coin bought since then is sitting pretty above current prices-except of course, for the mass of regret. 😂
A grandee of the European Central Bank, one Olaf Sleijpen, has taken it upon himself to sound the alarm bells, as reported by the Financial Times. The Dutch governor, with a gravitas befitting a man who knows his tulips from his troubles, suggests that a run on stablecoins could send the ECB’s interest rate policy into a tailspin, leaving Europe’s economy and inflation prospects as wobbly as a three-legged stool. 🪑💸
As of Sunday, XRP’s 365-day ascent-89% in glittering numbers-shames the paltry 3.6% gains of BTC and the CD20 Index. The CD5 Index, a mere 2% winner, and ETH’s flatline 2% gain are the only other survivors in this graveyard of returns. Solana and its ilk? They’ve plunged like a poet’s soul after a bad breakup, down over 36%. And the CoinDesk Meme Index? A -78% collapse that would make even the most jaded investor roll their eyes. 🚿
As BTC danced its macabre waltz, dipping from the lofty $105,000 to the humiliating sub-$94,000, Markus seized the moment like a poet at a funeral, his words echoing the collective groan of the crypto masses. “Is Bitcoin stupid or something?” he mused, a question as sharp as a dagger yet as absurd as a clown at a wake. 🤡💸
Whether this humble support endures shall determine if XRP merely takes a brief rest or plunges into a deeper, more dramatic correction. Oh, the suspense! 💼💥
Yes, folks, a staggering $1.1 billion has vanished faster than a magician’s rabbit, marking the fourth-largest outflow in history, according to those clever folks at Farside Investors. It’s like watching a sinking ship with a CEO smiling and saying, “Well, folks, it’s just a tiny leak.” 🌊
In a most curious turn of events, Tether hath been observed contemplating a most substantial financial commitment of approximately £1.15B (or thereabouts) into the German robotics firm Neura Robotics. Such a sum would value the startup between £9.3B and £11.6B, a figure so grand it might make Lady Catherine de Bourgh herself blush with envy.
