the Canary Capital ETF, a vessel of modern alchemy, summoned $58 million in its maiden voyage-a feat rivaling the legendary $57 million debut of Bitwise’s BSOL ETF. Yet who counts coins in a storm? This fund now sails among the titans of 2025, leaving 900 lesser ships floundering in its wake. ⛵
And just like that, Bitcoin has decided to make another dramatic exit below the $90K threshold. Because why not? Crypto markets, ladies and gentlemen! 💸 According to Glassnode, the crypto analysis firm that loves to keep us on the edge of our seats, investors with “paper hands” are now scrambling for the hills as they bail out in droves. This is the kind of thrill ride you don’t need a seatbelt for. 🎢
In a most unexpected turn, several grand corporations have begun to exhibit signs of alarm, their previously steadfast confidence in Bitcoin now marred by the tempest of volatility. The once-revered institutional investors, who were thought to be the stabilizing force of this nascent market, now find themselves retreating, their holdings unwound with the haste of a man fleeing a duel.
This little stunt comes on the heels of fraud investigations and a heap of renewed scrutiny into the meme token that, just earlier this year, saw a mass exodus of funds that shook investor faith like a bad first date. Legal folks are rubbing their hands together in anticipation, no doubt. 👨⚖️
STRK STRK $0.25 24h volatility: 26.9% Market cap: $1.14 B Vol. 24h: $875.60 M has added $65 million in staked assets in six hours. Because nothing says “trust me” like a 26.9% swing in value. 📈📉
Let me guess, this “bid” is just a fancy way of throwing good money after bad. ETFs are still selling like it’s Black Friday at the casino. 🎰💸
Old Ethereum (ETH), bless its digital heart, has taken a bit of a tumble, declining by a measly 0.1% over the last 24 hours. Not exactly a crash, but enough to make one clutch at one’s monocle. 😱📉
Let’s break it down, because nothing says “success” like a spreadsheet. Day 1: $58.5 million. Day 2: $26 million. Day 3: $19 million (okay, this is starting to look like a slow Wednesday at a bank). Day 4: $24 million. Total? A tidy $128 million. Bloomberg’s Eric Balchunas, who’s probably never met a number he didn’t want to analyze, called it “one of the quickest crypto ETF starts in ages.” Translation: before you could say “HODL,” your mom had a 401(k) in XRP. 💸
Meanwhile, euro-backed stablecoin issuers, armed with spreadsheets and existential dread, argue that a digital euro is as useful as a umbrella in a hurricane. “The ECB is not being helpful,” Gísli Kristjánsson declared, as if he’d just discovered fire. By 2026, he insists, “real-world use cases” will emerge-though one wonders if these will involve paying rent or simply buying a loaf of bread without existential guilt. 🥖
Pi Network has taken a decisive step toward expanding its real-world utility. The project announced the release of the Pitogo travel token in its Testnet this week. This update helps Pioneers to turn on the new token in their Pi wallet. They are now able to start testing transactions related to travel in a simulated environment. Therefore, with this launch, the transition to a functioning digital economy has reached an important milestone. But let’s be honest, this is just a glorified game of Monopoly with digital money. 🤷♂️
