At 38%, this is the largest altcoin regression observed during this entire cycle, surpassing even the aftermath of FTX’s collapse in 2022, when the metric hit 37.8%. In April 2025, it stood at 35%. The trend is moving in the wrong direction. One might say it’s dancing with the devil, and the devil is clearly winning.
On the 4-hour chart, NEAR has transitioned from a prolonged downtrend to a recovery phase marked by higher lows-a feat akin to a drunkard finally learning to walk in one direction. The recent rally, which reclaimed the short-term moving averages (20/50 SMA), now curls upward like a particularly optimistic garden hose. This, dear reader, is the early whisper of momentum reversal-or perhaps merely the market’s way of saying, “We tried to care.”
The DTCC, that most formidable entity which processes trillions of dollars in securities transactions annually, hath issued a communiqué which hath stirred the hearts of many. It is said that Hidden Road Partners CIV US LLC, a firm of considerable repute, hath been formally admitted to the National Securities Clearing Corporation (NSCC) directory, thereby securing its place in the grand tapestry of financial institutions. This development, though shrouded in the veil of bureaucratic jargon, hath not escaped the notice of our Mr. Schwartz, who hath deemed it ‘seems important.’
Imagine the surreal scenario-on the 2nd of March, Nasdaq MRX LLC, with all the gravitas of a 18th‑century impresario, filed a bill under Section 19(b)(1) of the Securities Exchange Act of 1934. Its proposal: “Options 3B – Outcome‑Related Options.” In other words, a ticket to gamble on whether a number will be sweet, sour, or downright inoffensive.
UBS Chief Investment Office (CIO), the bank’s self-proclaimed oracle of wealth management, published a daily update titled “US-Iran escalation adds to geopolitical risks” on March 2. One might assume this was meant to calm investors, but the report reads more like a weather forecast for a hurricane named “Doomsday Delta.”
Ethereum, ever the dramatist, has managed to form a base above the $1,920 resistance, much like a protagonist in one of my novels, brooding and resolute. She rallied past $1,960 and $2,000, her spirits lifted by the bulls, who, one must admit, are as relentless as a Russian winter.
Yet, even the mightiest oak faces tempests. A proposal, born of desperation and hubris, sought to carve a new path through Bitcoin’s sacred code. But the storm was swift, and the tempest’s breath was cold.
After five weeks of looking like a sad, overdrawn bank account, crypto ETPs somehow managed to pull off a $1 billion inflow. Because nothing says “renewed demand” like pretending you’re not terrified of the stock market.
According to their blog post, which was probably written by a robot with a caffeine addiction, the new contracts went live on February 9. That’s the same day the moon decided to stop pretending it wasn’t a rock. CME now offers futures on seven major crypto assets, which is about as much as a very large pizza. They claim it covers 75% of the total market cap, which is roughly the same percentage of your savings that you’ve lost to cryptocurrency.
