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Binance, that indefatigable titan of crypto, is at last poised to reclaim its throne in the South Korean market, a drama that has dragged on longer than a Victorian novel. 📈📅

Ethereum struggled (again) to settle above $4,200 and, in true crypto fashion, corrected most of its gains. It’s like watching a movie where the hero keeps tripping over their own feet.

This whole kerfuffle started back in November 2023 when they first waved around the idea in a discussion paper, like tossing a bone to a bunch of yapping mutts. By September, the industry groups were yapping louder than ever, fussing that these limits would snuff out innovation like a pair of garden shears cutting through someone’s mulberry bush dreams.

Naturally, the oracles of the crypto world are predicting a doubling of Ether’s value before the year’s end. As if simply predicting such a thing will make it so. Humans. So easily fooled by their own desires.

“I once suspected that our dear DOGE would languish and retrace to that comforting 0.5 of wave 1, a notion not without its merit, only to find it sauntering instead to the realm of 0.382-oh, the audacity!” the illustrious Cat mused. “And now? It appears to beckon back to 0.618, an embrace of the divine.” Yes, dear reader, wave 3 could very well be upon us-an impetuous surge laden with bullish fervor, rendering all previous expectations mere trifles.

Let me put it all together now, making sure each part is infused with humor and sarcasm, and the title is clickbait and under 100 characters.

This jolly jig coincided with Bitcoin’s stubborn perch near $110,000, evoking a resilience that mocks the tempestuous seas of gain, thus infusing the mining mob with a pulse of unfounded bravado. Behold, the collated worth of these listed alchemists has now vaulted beyond $90 billion – twice the trifle of August, because why not inflate our egos along with our portfolios? 😂

Veteran economist and Bitcoin critic, Peter Schiff, has been particularly vocal-much like an unruly toddler in a quiet library. He seized Twitter (ahem, X) to analyze the flash crash, stating the abrupt plummet was as much a sell signal as it was a headache. From dizzying heights above $122,000 to a more grounded $102,000 in one day, Schiff warned it was less of a “juicy buying opportunity” and more of a critical “Do not enter!” sign. 🚫💸

It’s like Solana just got a pep talk from a life coach: traders are back to betting big, dusting off their volatility-induced anxiety, and going long. Go team! 🎉

It seems that the once underdog of the crypto world is no longer just a pet project for crypto fanatics with too much free time. According to the Dogecoin Foundation, things are getting real as House of DOGE-yes, that’s actually what it’s called-pursues a glorious NASDAQ listing. *Gasp!* Who would’ve thought that a joke coin would start rubbing elbows with serious investors? But hey, at least it’s not your grandma’s “I’ve lost my keys” crypto anymore. 😎